I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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Why did the black student fail his math test? Because he was severely traumatized by the school shooting that had occurred during the test. He was later relieved to hear that the teacher did not count the test, because the legal paperwork surrounding the death of 12 students was somewhat overwhelming.

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Hi

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What do you do with a pickle jar full of semen? Use it for gel, because it took so long to collect it all, and you're frugal person who believes in recycling.

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Why was the man crying? Because he was punched in the stomach.

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ORGANISM. Yeah, I thought it said "orgasm" too.

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Yo Mama So Fat ... She Look Like Dis ///(*<>*)\\\ | | | | <=> <=>

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What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start

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Did you hear about the eskimo and the pregnant lady? The eskimo got the pregnant lady pregnant.

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Why did the man have trouble breathing after meeting the President? He had a collapsed lung.

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Saying "MY MOM" everyone time ur asked a question

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A blonde, redhead, and a brunette are chatting outside a casino. The brunette directs a joke towards the blonde. "What's the difference between cotton candy and pork chops?" The blonde has heard the joke prior to this encounter and correctly completes it with sign language because she is deaf.

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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, a dead baby is a horrible sight and shouldn't be laughed at.

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what do you call a black man being hung from a tree? -prejudice

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What's the difference between a tomato and a rhinoceros? Neither of them can ride a bicycle.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? Shoot her in the head repeatedly

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?ti saw won troffe eht htrow t'nsaw yllaer siht

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all muslims get the fuck out of britain you fucks

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Q: Why doesn't Micheal Jackson have orgasms? A: Because he's dead.

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Bill: My brother died on 9/11 Steve: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Was he in one of the towers? Bill: Both. Steve: Both? Bill: He was in one tower when the first plane hit, so he ran over to warn everybody in the other tower and while he was in the other tower, he died of AIDS. Steve: LOL Bill: Quit your laughing, Steve, and make sweet, sweet love to me! Steve: It would be my pleasure! (While Bill and Steve made sweet, sweet love on that park bench, little did they know that a hundred miles away in a beautiful Los Angeles home, actor Jeff Goldblum was making himself a turkey sandwich...not too much mayo...just the way he likes it.)

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How do you know if there is an elephant in your fridge? Well, because there's an elephant in your fridge.

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what did the short man say to the shoe? i sincerely hope that someone wouldn't try to carry a conversation with an inannnimate object, or else he is socially disturbed

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A man walk into a bar he buys a few drinks. When he is done the bar tender gives him his check. Man told the bar tender he has no money to pay for it. Bartender says," ok how about this we have a horse in the back that hasn't laughed a day in his life if you can make him laugh you get the drinks for free." so man proceeds to do so. A few minutes later man comes out horse is dying. So the man gets his drink for free. A few days later man comes back with the same deal. So the bartender tells him" that horse hasn't stopped laughing since you went back there. If you can make him stop you get your drinks for free." Man goes in a few minutes later comes out horse is crying. Man man is remarked by how he did it but he doesn't question it. A few days past the man comes back an the horse is still crying...... So the bartender ask the man how he did..... Man says," first I told him I had a bigger dick then him....second time I proved it"

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what do you call a fish with no eyes fsh

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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