What dog keeps the best time? All dogs will keep reasonably good time as far as their care is concerned, if they have a stable home routine.

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What did the man say to the drug dealer? I'd like some drugs

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A Black man a Chinese man and a Jew walk in to a bar. Black man: nice place they got here Asian man: yeah I remember when it used to be that old hardware store Jew: Henry's, i think it was called Aisian man: must have been there for at least 10 years or so

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

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A blind man walks into a pole.

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Penis

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How do you lose your train of thought? You can't. It is impossible to fit a full size locomotive in the human skull.

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Why do babies cry on airplanes? Because gay people are getting married.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a knife Take off your clothes

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What did the suicide bomber say on new years day? Happy new year.

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Q: Why does my arm itch? A: I got bit on the arm by a mosquito

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Why did the mexican jump when he heard police sirens? The sirens where very lound and abrupt. Therefore startling this mexican man.

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Life is an elephant, get married.

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What do you call you're mum? Depends who's reading it or just mum

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What clicks when its out of lead ? A gun Why was the little black boy crying ? He ran out of that grape drank How do you make a dead baby float ? You take your foot of its head How do you know when your life is over ? When you start watching Twilight What is blue and sticky ? Blue Stick What do you get when you mix a dog and a cat ? Shit

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Why did the chicken cross the street? To get to your house. Knock Knock Who is there. The chicken.

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Roses are red violets are orange......... Wait did I do that wrong?

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Knock knock. Who's there? Louis. Louis? Go away!!! Your jokes are so bad! Geez, you guys really don't like me. GET OUT!!! (Door slams; Louis shuffles away with a sad look on his face) -Louis

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What's the difference between a jazz musician and a cheese pizza? A cheese pizza is a food and a jazz musician is a person.

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Roses are red, Violets are pretty, look at their team, Surrender at 20.

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A Muslim walks into a bomb shop. Unfortunately for the bomb shop owner, the Muslim was a police officer. He proceeded to arrest the owner and the employees of the store, as it turned out that the selling of these particular explosive devices were illegal. They ended up in jail, and justice was served.

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What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede. (do you get it cause the robot has no arms)

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68

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Wanna know something fishy? A fish

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops