(This is a joke made up by the young son of a friend of mine many years ago. It is still one of my favorite jokes.) Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face.

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How much does a polar bear weight? The average male polar bear weights about 1500 lbs (680 kg)

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Why was 97 afraid of 98? Because 98,99, 100!

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a convicted serial killer.

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What just hit my face? The floor

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Joe used to always talk about his family and his two wonderful kids Joe can no longer talk to or about his family because his smoking habits have gotten out of control

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A man comes home from work and finds his wife in bed with his next-door neighbor. Furious, he shouts 'What's the meaning of this?!' And his wife answers 'A pronoun used to identify a specific person or thing close at hand or being indicated or experienced'.

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obama leadership

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Why did Suzy fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Suzy.

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A bear and a rabbit both take a dump in the woods below an old oak tree. They look at each other, smile and nod their heads in acknowledgment of one another. The bear is first to let go of his rather large load and a loud THUMP is heard throughout the woods. Shortly after another and then another. The rabbit looks at the bear for a moment then turns closes his eyes and begins to strain. Finally the sound of what can only be described as a machine gun rattles through the wood. Looking impressed the bear looks over at the rabbit as it pops off its last few pellets. When the rabbit is finished the bear asks "Do you have a problem with the shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit thinks for a moment then looks at the bear and says "Umm... No, not really." So the bear uses the rabbit to wipe his arse.

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Two Atheists walk into a bar. A nearby Christian notices this fact and proceeds to slightly preach to both of the Atheists. They then kindly explain that they don't personally believe in God, but respect the Christian's opinion. They all order drinks, and become very close friends, engaging in a long, hateless conversation.

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Knock, knock. Whose there? Tits. Tits, who? SUCK EM'!

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What do you call a black man holding a pistol? A black man holding a pistol

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Whats funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costum

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A fat man and his dog walk into a bar...the man buys a beer and walks out

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What did the pregnant teenager get for her birthday? An abortion.

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Why is the guy fat? Because he eats too much.

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What did the virgin get for her birthday? Aids

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A boy wakes up in the morning and says i"'m feeling kind of fishy today," the boy's dad walks in and relpies "that's because you are a fish."

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Its true, he didnt write that!!

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Thank you for booking with Anti-Joke Travel Agency. Here is your trip itinerary: 1. Your toilet

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Three decapitated children walk into a bar..... If you are laughing at this....what the hell is wrong with you?

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One time I masturbated by myself

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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