Q: How do you kill an Asian? A: Deprive of calculator or shoot it.

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What did the cast of sex and the city get for Christmas Nothing Sarah Jessica Parker is Jewish

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Two dinosaurs go to a theme park. On the way home they contemplate that they didn't really enjoy themselves. They decide to buy some ice cream to cheer them up a bit. They are severely frustrated by the lack of fun they had for the money they paid. Then they go to sleep. I completely forgot how this joke went, but your mom's a slut.

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why did the nazi eat the jew? He didn't

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Whats green, has 4 legs and falls out a tree? A pool table

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Why was the kid happy? Because it was his birthday.

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Statues: Show what great people look like, if birds shit all over them.

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Doctor, doctor, I just swallowed a roll of film! That was an incredibly foolish and dangerous thing for you to do. I would be surprised if you survived another day before the chemicals corrode your stomach lining and release hydrofluoric acid throughout your body causing sepsis.

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Where do babies come from? My garage

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what is worse than finding a worm in your apple the earth exploding

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What's worse than finding a fly in your coffee? The holocaust. What's worse than that? Two flies in your coffee.

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Roses are red, But ravens are black, please go to China, and never come back!

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There are two muffins in an oven. One says nothing. Muffins can't talk.

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I enjoy anal.

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Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He calls the right number.

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See now that is confident and down to earth, reasonable, and all the etc etc`s, so what would you like me to fill them in with? Joking aside, you are smart, funny, you take a beating (sorry that`s today`s new low point, I have never hit a woman and never will, sure I punched down the GigaLesb when she lifted me up and my spine started making cracking noises, but that does not technically count as a woman). You are sweet, you are cute, you are funny, you are hot hot hot (hattrick see?), and yeah yeah if you want me to prove to people here that we know each other, sure, I met you once like 15 years ago? You kinda adored me, I could not take my eyes of yours (oh yeah, you got adorable eyes sure), and... You got huge breasts (Tits are more like those hanging you know what I mean) Sigh sometimes a boy wonders what he is doing with his life, he falls for the strangest girls... ...AND THEN SAID BOY FINDS HIMSELF BROKEN IN TWINE BY ME!

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What do you call a 30 year old man with a large white van full of kids? A parent carpooling to the soccer game.

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Whats worse than getting dirt on your brand new J's Finding your girlfriend cheating on you with your Great Dane and realizing that he dose her better than you.

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Why didn't God show up to Jesus' bar mitzvah? Because he doesn't exist.

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Your momma's so dumb, she had to spend an extra hour studying for her mathematics test.

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Why didn't the man finish his dinner? His dinner was a wheelchair.

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What did the four pigs do at the farm? Roll in mud.

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What do you call someone allergic to water ? Waterproof

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Why did the chicken cross the road To get to your house Knock knock: whos there? The chicken duh

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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