Why did Jesus and his friends get crucified? So they could sing: "Always look at the bright side of life" Moral: Monty Python?

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What's worse? Cleaning a New York bathroom, or getting stabbed. WELL I DON'T GIVE A GOD DAMN!!! They both suck!

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What is funnier than an uncontrolled explosions? Most things, because explosions damage property, and cause deaths.

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Roses are red Violets are blue My dick can talk And it says it wants you

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Why do Asians squint their eyes? They were born like that.

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Yo mama's so ugly that the majority of people find her physically unattractive, but I hear her personality if great.

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what do you call a baby that's just been crushed by a piano. a mess for a cleaner to deal with. think about his health. after that he might get a disease from the body and he might not get to sleep as it is a haunting sight.

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Why is the post under me so funny? Because the boy won't be able to play the x box!

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how do you put a giraffe in a fridge? open the door, put the giraffe in and close the door. how do you put an elephant in a fridge? open the door, take out the giraffe, put the elephant in and close the door. the lion king is holding a conference in the jungle and all the animals turn up except for one, which animal is missing? the elephant, it's in the fridge. you come across a river you need to cross, but it is infested with man-eating crocodiles, how to you cross the river without dying? just swim across, all the crocodiles are at the conference.

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Woman's Rights

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One day i had to piss. I went to the bathroom.

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What do you do when a taco eater eats your food? Beat him with the nearest black man's dick.

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how many gay guys does it take to fix a blender? baby oil!

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what do you call a homeless man? poor.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms Knock knock Who's there? Certainly not Sally

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A black man is stopped at a red light. He waits for the light to turn green and proceeds forthwith.

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Knock Knock trick or treats? here is the candies, have fun kids!

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Why does Owen Wilson have an ugly nose? Because of his refusal to get plastic surgery.

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A man walks into a bar, and has to go to the hospital because he broke his nose.

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Whats worse than swinging a dead baby by a rope? Stopping it with a shovel.

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Gotta go Mark Gotta go Mark MARK MARKMARKMARK! Moving at the speed of mark I'm the quickest mark around Got ourselves a mark Start getting a new mark Without any mark On top of mark! Go- Go- Go- Don't mark Don't mark Just markmarkmarkmark! mark, he's on the run mark, he's number one mark, he's coming next so watch out for mark X! Gotta go mark, gotta go mark mark mark markmarkmark Go go go go go go go go go! marrrrrkkk X!!

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Why did people have cold showers in the old days? Because there was no electricity back then, making it hard to heat water to a temperature that was classified as 'warm'.

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What do Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen have in common? They are both celebrities.

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If I have 7 oranges in one hand and 8 oranges in the other, what do I have? Big hands!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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