A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch."

What is big and white and will kill you if it falls from a tree? My d**k.

Whats brown and slippery? A brown slipper.

What do you say when you take a nasty shit in you friends bathroom? There's some nasty shit in there.

How do you burn a lot of calories? Set a fat kid on fire.

what did the parapelegic (limbless) kid get for his birthday? Heart failure

Heartlight

Scientist 1: "What's your research paper about?" Scientist 2: "Homosexuality in fruit bats." Scientists 3, 4 & 5: "AHAHAHAHA LOL WUT"

Whats white and looks like a bunny? a rabbit

what did th teacher say to the student? be quiet and do our work

What kind of coins to you find at the bottom of the ocean? Wet coins.

What did Don King do with his new boxers? Put them on with a respectable pair of trousers.

Why didn't the man cross the road? He was paralyzed.

What happened to boy who fell down the stairs? He died. What happened to the girl who fell down the same stairs? The boy who fell down the stairs hit her down the stairs too and they both died What happened to the man fell down these very same stairs? He got peer pressure and committed suicide.

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

why did the mexican cross the road? To get into America. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was on its way to warn everyone that the sky was falling Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass. Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? cause he's Chuck Norris. Why did the man get a check in the mail every month? Cause he's black Why did Obama Cross the road? Cause he lost control of congress

So, North Korea is getting ready to nuke the US... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A black man walks up to a jewish man in a bar. They engage into a nice conversation, seeing how they were friends back in college.

How much does a polar bear weigh? The average male weights approximately 1150lbs.

Yo momma is so fat, I gave her a cupcake and she enjoyed it.

The WNBA

What happened when the lawyer pissed all over the judge? He was thrown off the case, causing him to go home, rape his wife, and put a bullet into his child's head.

who steals more than a black person?, a pirate.

Knock Knock. Who's there? Boo Boo hoo? Boo hoo your parents are dead.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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