why am i so pretty? because god blessed me with good looks

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A mama cow was sitting in the barn with her 3 babies. The first baby cow goes "Mom, why did you name me Daisy?" "Because a Daisy landed on your head when you were born" The second calf goes "Mom, why did you name me Rose?" "Because a Rose petal landed on your head when you where born." The third calf says "Aasdfghoiuytfghjkuiy" The mom replies "Shut up brick"

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What did the father say to his daughter? "I'm going to rape you."

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what do you say to a black man with a Porsche? "hey man, i like your car."

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Why did the homeless man get skin cancer Because he didn't have a home so the Suns rays had been directed towards him For 3 years and he was to poor to purchase Sun screen

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Yo momma so stupid that she went to get a college degree from a community college and along with her education now has a greater opportunity to earn money with that knowledge.

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What happened when the turtle rolled over on his back? It proceeded to die because it couldnt find a way to roll over. An African tribe then decided to make the recently decised turtle into a delicious soup that lasted him and his family three days.

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Whats the difference between an elephant and a tomato. You put tomatos in a salad.

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Why did the car suddenly stop? It was at a redlight.

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A very unskillful basketball team enters a basketball tournament. They had little chance of winning and concluded with a loss.

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Why was the picture so dark? Because it was night time and there were no light fixtures located anywhere near where the photo was taken.

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A man and a dog were sitting on a hill, the dog says to the man "Nice weather we are having today isn't it?" The man then goes insane because dogs can't talk, then later commits suicide from depression caused by his wife leaving him.

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Why is jim gay? because he likes men

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What happened to the guy who ate an alarm clock at 6 o'clock in the morning? He nearly died, and was diagnosed with numerous dietary problems.

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A ninja walks into a bar the bartender asks "what would you like?" The ninja says "i'll have two green eyes" the bartender says "we dont have green eyes this is america" so the ninja is so mad that he goes home and brutally beats his wife with a spatula.

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Your mama's so fat that she has type 2 diabetes.

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What's worse than ten babies nailed to one tree? One baby nailed to ten trees.

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8

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why did the black child get sent to child services? because he has an abusive father and an alcoholic mother

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What did the man say after falling off a bridge? He didn't say anything. He died a painful and terrible death on impact.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=LJP1DphOWPs#!

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How do you kill a blonde? you shoot her.

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Helen got hit by a bus. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Helen!!

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Penis.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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