A guy is walking on the beach one day when he stubs his toe on something shiny. Digging in the sand he finds an old, tarnished lamp. He takes it home and liberally applies polish, then puts it on his mantlepiece, it completes the look he was going for in his room and he feels like all his wishes have come true. His wife dies in a car accident later that day.

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What's green and has wheels? A snow flake. I lied about the wheels, and the color.

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Whats brown and sticky? Anal sex

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It's easy to take part, just type your text below!

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- Server, there's a hair in my soup ! - You're right, sir, I'll give you another soup imminently.

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Why were there teeth marks in the guys arm? He bit himself

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Doctor! Doctor! Can I have a second opinion? The Doctor then sits the patient down and tells them from a different perspective that they have terminal Cancer and will be dead by the end of the year.

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Me "knock knock" Tramp "who's there" Me "nobody you havent got a door"

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Are you a human?

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What's worse? Cleaning a New York bathroom, or getting stabbed. WELL I DON'T GIVE A GOD DAMN!!! They both suck!

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Q: What's the worst part about being a black Jew? A: You have to sit at the back of the oven.

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monkey sponge

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Why did the bartender cry when a construction worker ordered a Jack and Coke? His son Jack had run away five years ago to sell cocaine; his father hadn't seen him since.

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Knock, Knock Who's There A dyslexic kid with aides

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I use to be an adventurer like you! Then I got bored.

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What's pink, wrinkly and hangs out your trousers? Your nan.

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What did the dogs say to Michael Vick? Arf Arf Arf, woof woof woof

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A man walks into a bar, and orders a drink. He reaches into his back pocket, but cannot find his wallet. The man was pick pocketed by a skilled thief on his walk to the bar. The man quickly makes calls to cancel his credit cards and minimize the financial loss.

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what did the lawyer say to the lawyer? "whats up lawyer?" what did the banana say to the banana? nothing bananas dint talk...

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What do you call a bear eating another bear? A cannibal.

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A jew went to Germany.

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What's the similarity between a dog and a car? They're both made out of atoms.

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what was sad about six black guys driving off a cliff in a cadallac? They were my friends

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You best friend has a bladder disease. You ask him how he got it. He says " I was watching the superbowl and had to go, but I didn't want to miss the commercials. So it was either watching the game and getting a bladder disease that would end up killing me or going to the bathroom . Now you know where i went wrong."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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