Why did the elephant cross the road? It's an elephant. Who's going to stop it?

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What do you call a cow in the grass... A cow in the grass... Dumbas*

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"I love you, you love me" And you didn't just read that; you sang it.

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What is big, red, and beats rocks? A big, red, rock beater.

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how do you make a dead baby float? take your foot off its head.

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What do you call two dead blondes? A terrible day for their families and for many more to come

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Yo momma so ugly that she had self esteem issues and committed suicide, making her husband extremely depressed.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, get in my bed so i can fu** you!

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Q: why do the Toronto maple leafs suck? A: they dont they r in seventh place biotch!

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How many dead babies can fit in a bathtub. Twelve. A previous joke said seventeen, that person had their facts wrong. I know from experience

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says .... Hey, you shouldn't be in here; you're a big and powerful animal and any sudden movement could be dangerous for anyone around you. You have sharp hooves and we don't carry anything ergonomically designed for you to actually drink out of ... so, it's probably best that you just go ahead and get out of here. The irishman at the bar says to the bartender: Why are you talking to a horse as if it can understand you? They do not understand the spoken word and do not have the vocal chords to reply.

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This is "Eliza" holy shit! I almost gave up and went to a party assuming you guys had simply skipped the reply. Please tell me nothing of this is written in code, because I have no fucking idea how to decipher it... ...To think that so few consider Nero a hero for all that he has done, and so many have come to hate him and still follow his advice basically abusing him. I told my sister to use mom`s cellphone to call and warn as many as possible, telling them to spread the word, is Nero7 Going to make it? He mentioned a barfight starting over nothing during new years eve. I know that some of the members where planning to use his own teachings in order to overthrow him, I warned him but he was fully aware already but did nothing for some reason. Yet none of them have the assets to do anything like this... Should I start calling all those members that left during Nero7`s "sudden paranoia period?" Many of them have political authority and can be of help if we can somehow convince them. Respond Asap, and if Nero7 is in a public hospital, then get him the hell out of there, he is an exposed target for anyone, if he gets killed, ill fucking kill you you hear me!

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Knock knock SCREW YOU I BUSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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why did the bird fall out of the tree? Earth's Gravitational pull

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Why can't the blonde dial 911? Because she's being held hostage against her will.

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Obama is a black man living in a white house. TEEHEE

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John Katzenbach were drinking a soda... He is the author of The Psicoanalist

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How do you kill somebody instantly? Make them smell Smelly mcD's socks.

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A man dressed in a business suit goes into a doctor's office. He asks the receptionist how much a vasectomy would cost. After a minute of her looking it up on the computer she turns to him and says "The procedure will cost $750." He then thanks her and leaves.

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Why Do Indians Not Like Snow? Because it is white and on their land

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The man goes to the doctor after just losing his job because his company went under because of the econmic crisis. His house is being foreclosed because without the money from his job he can't afford to pay for his house. His girlfriend also just left him because of recent conflicts about money issues and how she wanted a family and with him jobless it was just out of the question. Man: "Doctor I could really use some good news" Doctor: "You have aids"

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whats blue and fluffy? your mothers chest hair!

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Bing

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What's worse than eating a piece of elephant shit? Eating two pieces of elephant shit.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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