What did the one man say to the other? Nothing, they didn't know eachother

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Why did the tomato blush? It didn't - red is the natural colour for ripe tomatoes.

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Whats worse than a flat tire? penile fracture

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? "Hey Joe, how's the family?"

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What happened to the guy who ate an alarm clock at six o' clock in the morning? He puked a lot, and was diagnosed with a horrible digestive disorder.

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knock knock 'who's there?' 'just open the door'

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What did the boy do when he was cold? Got a blanket.

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potatoes

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what's the difference between ya mum and a cow? nothing. by mad james

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You're momma's so fat, that I just wanna go over there and make hot passionate love to her. What? I'm a chubby chaser.

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Why was Superman white? Because Jerry Siegel is a racist.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your couch? My brother.

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A boy watches as a firefighter saves a little girl from a fire and looks at his mom saying "I want to be a firefighter when i grow up mommy" The mom looks down and replies "Silly kid you're not gunna grow up you have leukemia."

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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3 men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

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What do you call a black guy driving a plane? Jamal

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Since little kids sleep with stuffed bears, do bears sleep with stuffed humans?

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What's funny about suicide? Nothing, that's horrible.

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roses are red, violets are blue, I talk to myself, and so do it I.

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Microsoft Windows

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How do you make a baby cry? You throw a brick at it. How do you make it stop crying? You throw another brick at it.

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Your mother is so fat that her doctor recommended that she exercise regularly and eat foods with nutritional value.

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What did the cat say when it jumped into the cardboard box? Meow

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The mouse and the elephant went to take a bath. They had a nice time.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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