What do you call a file named pedo? A. Pedobear B. Toast C. Pedofile

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Your mama is so stupid she had to go back to school to get her GED in order to get a job that could properly support her family.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why couldn't little Johnny drive the tractor? Because he had no arms. Why didn't he have any arms? Because he was a potato

thumb_up thumb_down +15

why was six afraid of seven? cause seven raped and pillaged eight's family.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

I cut my pubes, Now they itch a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Knock Knock! Who's There? Not Steve Jobs.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Lamborghini mercy, yo chick she so thirsty Swerve, swerve

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are penis Violets are penis I like penis Penis

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the Queen of England say when here servant died? Another one bites the dust!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a can of beans? A can of beans.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's the difference between a duck and a goose? They are obviously different species but they both have wings and are birds and are actually pretty similar. Geese are usually bigger though I guess.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are red, Violets are PURPLE.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the Catholic priest get excommunicated from the church? He couldn't read.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck Chuck Norris? Cheese on toast.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Whats funny? Nick Sotelo

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why didn't the bear go snowboarding? It was hibernating

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Knock, knock. Who's there? New Kids on the Block. Wait, who?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Your Momma is so ugly, she got plastic surgery.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the frog say to the beautiful sleeping princess? Ribbit

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How many ears does Chuck Norris have? Two.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

The real Justin Beiber reallly followed me on twitter I deleted my account, set my computer on fire, scattered the ashes and killed myself

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops