Wife: Do you know what the most untruthful lie I've told you? Husband: What? Wife: That I love you. By the way I'm leaving you for your father. The twins are gay and in love with each other and your daughter is a hooker with AIDS. Your mother killed herself upon hearing all this news. She suffered a lot. Oh, the dog died by rat poisoning that your dad put in the backyard. Bye.

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A: Ask me if I'm a fire hydrant. B: Are you a fire hydrant? A: No...

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*via text message* Me: Hey Trevor! You at home? Trevor: This is Trevor's mom. Trevor committed suicide today.. Me: OMG! Why?!? Trevor: Because when I gave him a glass of water, it had 3 ice cubes. Trevor doesn't like odd numbers.

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Why can't stars marry? Because they are masses of incandescent gas and thus have no feelings.

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A man is walking alone in a park and stumbles upon a lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie appears out of thin air. The genie tells him he has three wishes to wish for whatever his heart desires. The man naturally wishes for Anthony Davis to shave his damn unibrow. He then throws the lamp at a little boys face and laughs uncontrollably.

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If life gives you melons.. You're just plain retarded.

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Hey

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roses are red violets are blue i have aids and now so do you.

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What is laying in the corner of the living room of an abandoned house and keeps getting smaller over the years? A decaying baby left there by a crack-head.

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Whats ironic about the Facebook "like" button? Nothing

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A. Knock-knock. B. Who's there? A. Hey, your doorbell's broken.

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Why did the plumber kill his family? He wasn't a very good plumber.

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What do you call a kid with no arms annd legs? Names

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whats worse then biting into a worm and finding an apple??? getting raped up the butt by a giant tiger!

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I used to be a schizophrenic but we're okay now

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Why did the man get hit by a van? He was blind, and his guide dog was an idiot.

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So a baby seal walks into a club

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A straight man walks into a lesbian bar. He quickly realizes his mistake and leaves.

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what's faster than a jet? a speeding bullet. what's faster than a speeding bullet? light.

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What do you call a man bathing with a toaster Electrocuted

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What's your middle name? (Interrupt them) It doesn't matter what your middle name is! What does deduce mean? Fall down the stairs.

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Your computer will self - destruct in 5 seconds

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When practicing the art of origami and the berrilium dialates, how many quince pies does it take to calculate a tree? Tricycle

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How do you get a dead baby out of a blender? Doritos.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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