What do you say to the man with lopsided balls? I am terribly sorry, your condition has most certainly left you socially alienated and confused.

Why is Ellen so funny? Because she is a comedian.

What did the cowboy say to the alien? Nothing, this is a dream. Wake up.

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's a woman.

A blonde's house is on fire so she calls the fire department and they ask her how to get there. She gives them the address, but they hear her wrong and she dies a horrible fiery death.

How did the chicken cross the road? On it's chicken wings.

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What did Bill go for his birthday? No where someone slashed his tires.

A Blonde walks into a bar. She is an abusive relationship and is drinking her pain away.

How many pumpkins can you fit in a watch? Depends how much jelly is in the pumpkins

whats worse than a worm in a rotten apple? 2 worms in a rotten apple. whats worse than 2 worms in a rotten apple? 3 worms in a rotten apple. whats worse than 3 worms in a rotten apple? the haulocaust. whats worse than the haulocaust? 4 worms in a rotten apple. wait wait...that was rascist,nevermind this joke.

Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

the chicken whent boomand then died

What's worse than dropping your ice cream on the floor? Getting the end of your penis stapled

What did Billy get his parents for Christmas? Billy's an orphan.

Once you go black you may be more open to dating a second black person.

Baby seal walks into a club... what a tragedy

Q. What is brown and sticky? A. Creosote.

Human is to breast as breast is to nipple as nipple is to milk as milk is to HIV as HIV is to AIDS as AIDS is to death as death is to heaven or hell as heaven or hell is to Jesus or the Devil as Jesus is to God as God is to the Universe

A man walks into a bar, then he realized he didn't have any money, so he walked out.

Why did the chicken cross the road? His motives so far are unknown as he is a chicken, and therefor cannot divulge the information.

What is the best thing since sliced bread? Sliced butter.

A Horse walks into a bar. Bartender:why the long face? Horse:I have terminal cancer.

The awkward moment when you notice its 2012 and we're all gonna die, so you buy and elephant and name him John.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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