If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede. It's funny because the robot has no arms.

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Why is Obama's name Obama? Obama

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Why did the man jump off the bridge? He was clinically depressed and wanted to commite suicide

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have clamidia Because Polly shat on me.

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jack shine has boobs

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Two business men, a priest and three boys are on a plane which is going down. There are only three parachutes. One business man says that they should allow the children to have the parachutes as they have long lives ahead of them. The other business man says screw the children. The priest looks up at the second business man. After a short but heated argument they all agree to let the children have the parachutes. The three children then proceed to jump out of the plane with the parachutes. The two business men and the priest watch as they descend upon the earth. The plane then crashes into a mountain, killing the business men and the priest. Once the boys were safely on land they went back to their daily lives in their individual homes. Turns out a serial killer had escaped from prison, all three children were found dead the next morning, the cause of death of course being that each had contracted some form of a sexually transmitted disease from the priest.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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d

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a light bulb? To get to the other side!

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A pregnant woman is about to deliver. Both she and her husband are very excited about their first child being born. Then, it turn out that their baby has a rare deformation and has no limbs at all. They still love him

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Where did John go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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Yo mama's so fat, she has low self-esteem.

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what do you call a room full of one terrorist and several babies? dead babies

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Ah dead on it was all Taggart!!!

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what's black, long, and moves around a lot? a van.

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How does a pig go to the hospital? Through the front door.

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What do you call a girl with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

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i wish i was a tree !

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Why did Harry go to the store? He was out of food.

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Why did the girl fall out of the swing? Because she had no arms. They were lost in a tractor accident.

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WWII veteran screamed! "You damn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

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what did one bum way to the other? we're shit out of luck

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What did the fox say to the blonde? "Hello". The girl then captured the fox and sold it to the government.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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