your mother is so lesbian

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police, your wife just died

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What do you call someone who is blind and deaf? Dumb.

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Q:A man has 100 chocolate bars he eats 93 of them. What has he got now? A:Diabetes

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Women"s Rights

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Knock Knock Who's there? Father Dougal Mcguire

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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3 men- Greg-Allen-And James were on their way back from the bar. When the driver, Greg spun out of control. All of them died Instantly. Once they got to heaven, Jesus told them. " The better you were with Relationships, And loving just one person. The better Transportation you got." He bagan handing things out. " Well, Greg. Looks like you cheated on your most recent Girlfriend... Twice. You get a Bike." Next was Allen " Allen! Shame on you! You have dated 4 women at once! You get a Scooter!" And last was James. " James! You have stayed true to your wife! And all of your other ex- girlfriends. You get a Mustang!" Allen and Greg seen james, Sitting on his car, Upset. "Man! Whats wrong? You have the best thing you could get! I'd be happy!" James looks up and says " Thanks guys, But I just seen my Wife on A skateboard.."

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Why did the Octopus jump off the bridge? To breathe

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If life gives you melons ... You might be dyslexic

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness. Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

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Did you hear the one about the blonde who went to the grocery store? She walked in, purchased the items that she specified on her shopping list, then left and went to her daughter's piano recital.

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Why did the old man step on the caterpillar? For fun.

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that awkward moment when you get in the van and there are no sweets...

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What did the doctor tell the boy with no arms or legs? I'm sorry, you have terminal cancer.

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A black man is packing heat while driving his car. He is a police officer

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a priest a rabbi and a minister all walk into a bar and the bartender says "is this a joke?"

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Women

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The government wants us to stop using gas and be eco friendly. Tell that to Hitler.

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Q: What's black and white and red all over? - - - A: Nothing. If it is red all over, then it is not black and white.

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What's worse than biting into your apple and finding a worm in it? Biting into you apple and finding two worms in it.

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I pissed myself the other day in Harrods when I saw a Somalian boy run up to a curtain saying mummy.

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what did the ninja say to the watermelon ? nothing

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Oh, I must be hearing things.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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