What do you call it when a drunk guy puts a tree in his house and then decorates his fireplace with his socks? Christmas (I didn't come up with this)

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A father gives some golf balls to his son on his son's birthday. The son then goes into the woods with the golf balls, and then comes out without the golf balls. "What did you do with the golf balls?" asks the father. The son says nothing. On Christmas the father gives his son more golf balls, and the son does the same thing. He goes into the woods with them, and leaves without them. Again the father asks what he did with the golf balls, and the son says nothing. This happens for many holidays to come, until the son gets hit by a bus. In the ambulence, the father asks; "One last question ,what did you do with the golf balls?" The son dies

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milly, milly, milly, cat

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Why is he called Donald Trump? Because he trumps a lot...

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Nicholas Cage

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A mexican goes to an ATM.

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Why did the bird fall? It was an ostrich

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What do Ed Milliband and David Milliband have in common? They are brothers.

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Q: How did the blonde commit suicide? A: She shot herself in the head.

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Friends are like trees, they fall down when hit multiple times with an axe.

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Lindsay Lohan is often caught flashing her vagina...

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A moth walks into a podiatrist's office, the podiatrist rubs his eyes and looks again and realizes it was just a man taking off his coat in a grandeur fashion.

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Dear John,

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What did the fat man get for his birthday? diabetes

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Why did the Nigger fuck shit? He was a shit fucking Nigger.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The mailman. I don't believe you.

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Why did Tyrone attack? Because he was getting made fun of

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Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Gravity

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Whats the difference between a cobra and the hulk? One is my penis and the other one is a cobra.

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A semi-coherent black man was wandering down the street toward an open garbage receptacle. Immediately an angry, filthy raccoon jumped up, hissing and baring its fangs, as if to defend its territory against the startled negro. This happened four times in a row. Each time it was either a negro, a mexican, a crippled kid or a person of jewish ancestry. Each time the raccoon hissed viciously. Coincidence? No. The raccoon was obviously very hungry and attempting to defend its last remaining refuge of territory from the ever-increasing encroachment of man's filth into the formerly natural and pristine spaces where wildlife once lived. He is now reduced to hissing at the ethnics and the cripples, just to eek out a pitiful subsistence on trash.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?", laughs at his own joke, then calls animal control.

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what do you call a dear with no I? No I dear

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*Knock* *Knock* Who's there? The IRS

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A man and his wife are walking home from a lovely evening at the movies when suddenly a masked man jumps from the bushes demanding a pad and pen, his mother just got a new phone number and he suffers from short term memory loss.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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