how do you reunite the beatles 2 bullets

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What did the mute say to the deaf man? Nothing. He's a mute.

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How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who knows? They all just sit and bitch about it.

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“Anything that moves ey?” – William Deane

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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3 men- Greg-Allen-And James were on their way back from the bar. When the driver, Greg spun out of control. All of them died Instantly. Once they got to heaven, Jesus told them. " The better you were with Relationships, And loving just one person. The better Transportation you got." He bagan handing things out. " Well, Greg. Looks like you cheated on your most recent Girlfriend... Twice. You get a Bike." Next was Allen " Allen! Shame on you! You have dated 4 women at once! You get a Scooter!" And last was James. " James! You have stayed true to your wife! And all of your other ex- girlfriends. You get a Mustang!" Allen and Greg seen james, Sitting on his car, Upset. "Man! Whats wrong? You have the best thing you could get! I'd be happy!" James looks up and says " Thanks guys, But I just seen my Wife on A skateboard.."

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knock knock who's there a black person SHIT!!!!

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What do you call a mexican without a lawn mower? .....unemployed

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Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner there is no god and everybody hates you.

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What do you call an insect that has 8 legs? A spider.

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A jew and a black man walk into a bar the black man orders a screwdriver. The jrw asks him why did you order a screw driver.? The black man answer black:I enjoy screw drivers.

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Wanna hear a funny story? Sure Ok.

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How did the ruttabaga believe itself to be a ruttabaga? Because it was in fact NOT a ruttabaga, but some self-aware individual with delusions.

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The economy sucks. REM broke up. A man killed himself.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Let Me In. Let Me In Who? Let Me In or I Will Kill You Tomorrow!

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? That she should train harder for her next boxing match, or find a less physically demanding hobby to partake in.

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When Chuck Norris is bitten by a zombie, Chuck Norris doesn't turn into a zombie, the zombie turns into Chuck Norris

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How did the Pollack die? Cardiac arrest.

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lol

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why did the kangaroo jump? because its a kangaroo

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What is brown and sticky? A stick.

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jess yawns with no hands in front of her mouth. true story.

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penis that is all

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Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee! It's not the coffee, you have a deadly case of ocular melanoma, a form of cancer that affects the eye. You'll be blind within the next 24 hours.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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