Your momma is SOO FAT that I had to call my doctor. He said you should go on a diet and exercise. I called my local gym and gave your mom a 3 months membership. Monday to Friday. Your welcome and good luck.

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What has two legs and is red all over? Half a cat.

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when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a black eye.

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wanna hear a joke?... Womens rights

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what do you call someone that is dying of malaria? someone that should consider visiting a doctor.

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You know what's worse than finding a worm inside an apple? finding crack, too late to spit it out.

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Why did the chicken cross the road it was out of its coop

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What is 18 inches long and makes a woman scream all night? Crib death.

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What did Gene give Carla for Christmas? AIDS

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Whats 2+2=? ?= CHICKEN

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Go away.

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What do you call a black man in a police car? Officer.

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Hey, did you see Stevie Wonder's new house? No He didn't either.

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what is a vampires favorite dessert? a used tampon

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What did your father say before he died? Nothing, he's already dead

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DONALD TRUMP DIES

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whats the difference between santa claus and jewish people santa claus goes down the chimney and jewish people go up

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why did the cow jump over the moon because it was on a high dose of lsd

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the blonde choked o a gummy bear. What happened next? she went to the hospital

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what do a plum and a rabbit have in common? there both purple except for the rabbit

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Oliver's friends

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? I cried when I cut up the onion.

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What is purple and flies? A purple plane.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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