How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Two.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you call a man that likes fishsticks? His name

thumb_up thumb_down +31

So Mel Gibson walks into a bar, and then everyone left.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did the twin towers get at the pizza place? 2 planes

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Three blind mice walk into a bar, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Q:What happened to the leprechaun when it jumped in the water? A:It got wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

The chicken came before the egg. Because eggs are an unborn chicken, and it is impossible for an unborn chicken to ejaculate.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

there are two hicks named Billy Bob and Joe. Billy Bob decides to go to college so he goes to sign up for classes. The Dean of the school decides to help him out and tells him he will be taking math, writing, and logic. Billy Bob is okay with the math and writing but then asks "what the hell is logic?" The Dean thinks for a moment and then says "Okay for example, do you have a weedwacker?" Billy Bob says "yeah i got a weed wacker" so then Dean says "So that probably means you have a yard." Billy Bob goes "yeah i got a yard" So the Dean says "so if youve got a yard you've probably got a house." Billy Bob goes "hell ya i got a house!" The Dean says "and if youve got a house that probably means you've got a wife." Billy Bob goes "ya! i got a wife" so the Dean says "If you have a wife then that means you are heterosexual" and Billy Bob goes "of course im heterosexual!" So the Dean goes "See Billy Bob, thats logic." Amazed by this, Billy Bob goes back to Joe and starts to tell him about his classes. He explains he will be taking math, writing and logic. Joe is confused so he asked Billy Bob "what the hell is logic!?" Billy Bob thinks for a moment and goes "okay how can i explain this....okay joe, do you have a weed wacker?" and Joe responds "no Billy Bob i dont got a week wacker..." Billy Bob: "I KNEW YOU WAS A HOMOSEXUAL!"

thumb_up thumb_down +31

what do you call someone that is dying of malaria? someone that should consider visiting a doctor.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did the guy who speaks in tongue say to the other guy who speaks in tongue? Gibberish

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Whats better than a panda? A panda with an ice cream cone.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A dyslexic man walks into a bar He sits down and has some trouble reading the menu but orders a beer

thumb_up thumb_down +27

when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a black eye.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did the chicken cross the road To go to KFC

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Jim and Larry work together. Jim works hard, and Larry is a bit of a prankster. One day, Jim is having a rather rough day, and Larry looks to cheer him up with a good-natured joke. Knowing that Jim's wife prepares dinner for him every night of the week, he calls her and tells her that their boss has decided to pay for a dinner out, that she should take the day off and just get ready for Jim to come home and pick her up. Larry will later follow up by calling a pizza delivery place and having them send a special no hard feeling message with two large delicious pizzas. He forgets to call the pizza delivery man until later that night, after which it's too late and he thinks "I'll just explain the joke to Jim tomorrow." And goes peacefully to sleep. Arriving home and finding that dinner is not prepared, Jim savagely beats his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Knock knock. Who's there? I am.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What is the first step in making an ugly girl pretty? Shave her genitals.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why was the truck covered in blood? The chicken tried crossing the road

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What's brown and wears glasses? A poo with bad eyesight.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

In Soviet Russia! People were much more finacially secure than they are now.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A policeman asks a suspect in a murder investigigation about his alibi. The suspect gives him a solid alibi. The suspect go's home to his wife and have dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Penis

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did Tommy's father tell him on Christmas? Nothing, he was violently stabbed to death on Christmas Eve.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

what do you call a fish with no gills? I dont know what youd call that creature...but its no fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops