Roses are red. Violets are blue. The Clouds are white. Thank God I am too.

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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? You aren't married to a girlfriend.

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I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. I suffer from a debilitating sleep disorder.

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Why didn't the 12-year old boy eat his birthday cake? He has diabetes and would likely die from the increased spike in insulin.

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Hickory Dickory Dock Three mice ran up a clock The cluck struck one But the two other got away with minor injuries

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Two members of the KKK walk into the bar into a bar. The bartender asks, "what do you think of Obama?" One of the KKK members says "he is my President, I respect him."

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Q: How do you kill a Brazilian Blind Electric Ray? A: Killing endangered species is a crime.

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Friends are like trees. They fall when hit multiple times with an axe.

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Why did the chick cross the road? To get to the brothel for hot lesbian love.

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So three black men walk into a bank, one of them uses the ATM, they all proceed to the exit after he is done.

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Do you know what one golf ball said to the other? Nothing they are lifeless objects

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whats long, orange, and comes out of brown stuff? -a carrot.

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Q: How do you make Osama Bin Ladin happy? A: Take him out to a nice seafood dinner free of charge.

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what did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Christmas presents.

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Why didn't bob like night clubs? He was epileptic

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What do you call a rapist who uses condoms and excessive lubricant? A Rapist.

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A dog with toothpaste in it's mouth wanders into a bar. The bartender beats it to death, because he thought it had rabies.

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What did the frat guy drink after he lifted? A various assortment of beverages that were chilled at a cool 66 degrees.

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Q: How did Helen Keller cross the street? A: She walked.

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I hate when people see me at the store and are like "What are you doing here??" and Im just like, "Oh, you know, hunting elephants..."

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Why didn't Suzie ride her bike? Suzie's mother aborded her. She was never born.

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A white man a black man a french man and a mexican are on a sinking ship. The French man says "we have too many of these" and throws a bunch of begets over board. The Black man says "we have too many of these" and throws a bunch of red hot cheetos overboard The Mexican man says "we have too many of these" and throws a bunch of Tacos over board. And then the White man says "we have too many of these" and throws the Mexican man overboard

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How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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Roses are red And heres something new Violets are violet They're not friggin blue

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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