What do you call two men having sex with Oprah? Group sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why don't blind people skydive? They do.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

This one time at band camp....I put a flute in it's proper storage compartment.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are red Violets are red Tulips are red Bushes are red Trees are red Fences are red OMG MY FENCE IS ON FIRE!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A African man and Hispanic man fall off of a cliff, which hits the ground first? They both hit the ground simultaneously, due to their equal mass and surface area.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Last night I had consensual sex with my long term girlfriend in the missionary position. It lasted approximately 4 minutes before I ejaculated into the durex extra safe condom.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock. Knock. No one is home. Okay.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Costello: Who's on first Joe Girardi: Mark Teixeira

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why was the man running from the cops? His car broke down.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

whats worse then finding a finger in your soup? - being a cook and losing a finger

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Adam knocks on the door. Eve: who is it? Adam: Don't be silly, just open the f*cking door.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a black pilot? A pilot you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did Napoleon cross his legs? Because he had to go to the bathroom

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A dyslexic Irishman walks out of a bra.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

When did the War of 1812 begin? 1963.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How much does a polar bear weigh? About 1,150 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

No joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did Jesus say to Moses? Jesus isn't real. Moses replied, "Do you think I'm stupid? I'm talking to him!"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: what do you call a guy with a stolen cat in his pocket A: The police because stealing animals is illegal

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why does LeBron James keep his phone on vibrate? Because he is often in the company of others and he does not want a ringtone to distract others from the current topic of discussion.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the cow puke up his grass? Because it is necessary so that the cow can re-chew his food to aid with the digestion.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walks into a bar every night. He works there.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops