Roses are Red Violets are Blue It is Valentines Day So I had to get them for you or we would get into a big fight, which will end up with me on the couch.

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Two small boys are walking in a schoolyard. One of the boys sits down under a tree looking distraught. The other asks him "Well whats the matter Eddy?" "Every time I walk to my bus-stop in the morning, Jimmy Krugan, pushes me down and takes my money. " The first boy thinks for sec.. "Well here's what you do Ed; go to your Dad's shed and grab a 2X4, paint it bright blue. In the morning, walk to school with it under your jacket and when Jimmy starts in on you give him a good wallop. He wont be bothering you anymore." The following day the boys are in the yard again. Eddy is seen under the tree seeming just as distraught. Confused, the boy asks him.. "Well Ed, did you do what I told you?" "No."

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Q: What Jews are doing in Palestine? A: Living.

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A basket full of puppies can do anything, except put out a fire.

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A man was drowning in a lake and so he asked God to save him. A man on a boat came by and said to the drowning man "Do you need any help?" The drowning man said "Yes! Thank God a boat came for me!" So the man on the boat pulled the man from the water and saved him.

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What's a four letter word that ends with "rape"? Stop.

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what happened to the mexican who dropped his ice cream at work? He got a raise, won the $5 billion jackpot, was given ten car dealerships, then died.

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So this guy tells me he hasn't had a bite in weeks. So i bought him lunch.

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How do you make a baby cry? You hit it in the face with a hammer.

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Every 60 seconds in Africa. A minute passes.

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There once was a man from Nantucket who secluded himself from the outside world because of a tragic event that happened to him as a child.

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What is a terrible tragedy and wears ice skates? Holocaust; The musical on ice

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You know how we have iPods? OJ Simpson strangled his wife.

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A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, and have a stimulating discussion about economics

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If Vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Probably both plant life, sea-based creatures, and land-based animals. However, depending on the personal preference of the person, they can also be a vegetarian or not. They could also be cannibals, but the literal definition of humanitarian would go against any cannibalistic traditions due to the fact that humanitarians help others for the benefit of humanity as a whole, eating people would go against such beliefs.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I.

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What rhymes with sloth? Cloth

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A man from florida and a woman from florida go to a restaurant, which isnt very popular.

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Whats worse then a Republican? 9/11.

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Why did the old man die? Because everyone dies

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nathan palmer has a big head !

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How do you keep a woman entertained? A delightful romantic comedy

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So Lindsay Lohan walks into a jewelry store. She buys a $2,500 necklace and goes on her way.

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How do you start a Mexican parade? You roll a quarter down a hill

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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