- Anti Joke

Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Let's go ride bikes!

Q :Why did the girl fall off the swing? A: She had no arms.

Why did the girl miss her date? She got killed.

Yo mama's so fat that they have to grease the door frame and hold a twinky on the other side to get her through.

Your mother is so fat that when she goes to the movies, she usually orders popcorn and maybe a drink.

Roses are red violets are red bushes are red oh shit my garden is on fire

Q: What did the cop do when he saw a mexican in his car? A: Nothing, he was looking in a mirror.

what do you do when you see a black man limping across your frontyard? you stop laughing an reload.

What did the asian say to the President of the United States? I don't speak English

Why did th chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the cupboard cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

5 black men walk into a 7-11 at midnight. They clog the all of the toilets in the mens bathroom causing them to over run.

How do you make a white girl commit suicide? Bully her.

What would have happend if martin Luther king was white? I don't know he wasn't so it's irrelevant

1.Why were the black men asked to leave the bar? Because it was a womens bar. 2.Why did the 40 year old get an erection? Because he was excited.

A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks "Why the long face?" The horse takes offense and replies "I was born like this."

ROSES ARE RED VIOLETS ARE BLUE HERE'S A KNIFE KILL YOURSELF KANE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A manly man drives up in a yellow bug, What do the girls think? They think its very manly! (;

Whats worse then walking into a door? getting shot in the head by a 10ft squirrel holding 44.magnum and a slice of cheese in the other

Q: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A: A Woodchuck, also known as a land beaver, weighs 4-9 lbs. We can use the average weight of 7 lbs for the woodchuck. A 7 lb woodchuck would burn 4.8 calories in 15 minutes if it were engaged in chopping wood. We can make an assumption that chopping and chucking wood would burn a similar amount of calories. 4.8 calories is the same as .0191 BTU in 15 minutes or .075 BTU per hour. (British Thermal Units) Now the other variable is the type of wood you are talking about. Different types of wood and different treatments have different mass. For example, properly seasoned oak firewood should have a moisture content below 20%. Freshly cut oak wood could be as high as 90%. So obviously the moisture content will play a large role in the amount of wood chuckable by the woodchuck. For this example we will use 20% moisture seasoned oak fire wood. Since woodchucks are native to the eastern part of north america we will use White Oak. A chord (128 cubic feet) of seasoned White Oak weights between 2880 – 3710 lbs We can take the average weight and use 3295 lbs per chord or 3295 lbs/128 cubic feet. One board foot = a board that is 12 in × 12 in × 1 in One chord = 1536 board feet according to Unit Converter Pro So now we can divide 1536 board feet into 3295 lbs and know that one board foot of Seasoned White Oak is 2.14 lbs/board foot. 3295/1536=2.14. Now here is where the math gets fun. We know a 7 lb woodchuck will burn .075 BTU’s chucking wood for an hour. We also know the wood he is chucking weighs 2.14 lbs per board foot. Now the question is how many BTU’s does it take to chuck 2.14 lbs, let’s say 1 foot? According to Newton’s Second Law of Motion, the net force on an object is dependent on the mass of the object, and its acceleration during the movement. Force = Mass x Acceleration The common unit of force is the Newton (N). One Newton is the force required to accelerate one kilogram of mass at 1 meter per second per second. 1 N = 1kg m/s2, lets convert our wood chucking to metric for a bit to figure out this conversion. .97 kg = 2.14 lbs. So the woodchuck would have to exert .97 Newtons in order to move the wood one meter. If we divide this by the number of feet in a meter 3.28 we get .29 Newtons. Now we know it takes .29 newtons to move 2.14 lbs of seasond white oak 1 foot. All we have to do now is figure out the number of BTU’s in .29 newton and a quick look at Unit Converter Pro tells us that .29 newton = .00027486696489 BTU. Now we know that it takes .00027 BTU to move 2.14 lbs or one board foot of Seasoned White Oak 1 foot. We also know that a 7 lb woodchuck burns .075 BTU per hour chucking wood. Finally we simply have to divide these two figures .00027486696489 BTU to move one board foot one foot/.075 BTU per hour and we get: .0036 board feet per hour Answer: A woodchuck would chuck .0036 board feet per hour of wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood! Or not!

Has anyone else noticed that the very least popular and the most popular anti-joke on this site are both related to the Holocaust.

How do you get a bunch of Jews in a car? You tell this family who happens to be of Jewish faith that they are going to be late for the birth of another family member's child. How do you get them out? Tell the mother had a miscarriage. This will make them promptly want to leave the care and grieve with the other family members for the lost child.

Why didn't little Timmy see the bus right before it hit him? Because he was blind

What did the slutty blonde get her boyfriend for Valentine's Day? Nothing because she had died of AIDS months ago.

A man comes home after a long days work. It is late at night and he gets in bed with his wife who is already asleep. Later that night he gets up for a glass of water and returns to the bed room to see that his wife doesn't appear to be breathing and calls 911. He then realizes that this isn't his house and he leaves.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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