Why did the baby stop crying? Mommy shook him.

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what is the difference between a cow?? there is no difference, you can't make a comparison between different object when there is only one object beïng named.

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What is green but looks like a silver car? A silver car....I lied about the green part.

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You.

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roses are red, violets are red, bushes are red, flowers are red, trees are red, my garden is red... HOLY CRAP MY GARDENS ON FIRE!!!

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Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza? the pizza wont scream when you put it in the oven.....

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My hair is thin, therefore the person beside me wears oddly looking clothes CC

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.

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Patient: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum." Doctor: "I've got some cream for that."

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dfsgdf g dsf g sdfg sdf gsd fg sdfg s df g sdf gs df g sdf g sdfg sdf g sdfgsadg awetrawefads f asdf asdrfasrg sdf nfghjml ho ;l jkm gascSDagfgh dj gf hdfgh khdkfgkfgkj gjkf g afg adf g dfgs df g sd fg s dfg sdfg df g sdf g s df gsdf g sdf g f t r j yu k yuilk yiol o l rt wer t wer t we t w e rt w er

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A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?" And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me. And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void. And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days. If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away." And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!" And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

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What do you call an epileptic in a bowl? James, if that happens to be his name.

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Guess what? SHADAP

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what do you call a muslim flying a plane 911

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What did the young girl with leukemia say to a stranger? I am afraid

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I've ben told to open all your windows when a tornado comes. Who told you THAT? A guy who opened all his windows when a tornado came.

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A man comes home late from work what does he find? His wife and children murdered.

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Why was the Asian man told to open his eyes? He was sleeping.

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Do u know what would be a big pain in the ass? A thorn

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Why does Santa go through the chimmney? He's to lazy to use the door.

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How do you kill a blonde? I don't. Murder is a crime.

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What do you get when you mix a crap with a fart and a slug? Urmom

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What's the opposite of a joke. An anti-joke.

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There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children her uterus fell out.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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