Want to hear a joke? Womens rights

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Why did Suzy drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Suzy!

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Why did Sally Fall Off The Swing? She had no arms Knock Knock! Who's there? Not Sally

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if this joke was a potato, it would be a good potato

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What do you call a black man in an expensive car? A licensed driver.

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Why did the plain crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue It is Valentines Day So I had to get them for you or we would get into a big fight, which will end up with me on the couch.

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How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? Just one.

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Roses are blue, Violets are green, I am color blind, You have cancer.

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If shes old enough to count..... Then having sex with her would be considered illegal.

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I'm on the seafood diet, a large proportion of my daily food intake consists of fish.

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sarah.

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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whos got a massive fukkinn melon...B.I.M

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your matriarchal component is so overweight that her body mass index is over the desired level for her height and age

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How do you stop the neighbors kids jumping your fence and stealing your lemons? Molest them.

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A man walks into kindergarden class with a beer. He then gets arrested.

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Whats worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. Whats worse than two bee stings? The holocaust. Whats worse than the holocaust? Three bee stings

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Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

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What is a terrible tragedy and wears ice skates? Holocaust; The musical on ice

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A rat scurries into a bar. Six days later, all of the people in that bar die of bubonic plague.

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Why did Hitler smell the flower? Chicken dick.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house?  No Neither has he

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Why do giraffes have long necks? Evolution.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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