A jew walks into a bar He receives a phone call and promptly leaves

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The diamond one below is hilarious.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Two cows in a field. One said, "Moo!" the other said, "Shit! i was going to say that."

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went to mass. remembered to say with your spirit.

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If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? Deteriorate

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one stop shop

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Q: Why didn't johnny get any Christmas presents? A: Because he died in a house fire 3 years ago.

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Why was john's balls itchy? Because he recently gained a severe infestation of pubic lice.

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Friends are just like trees. They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

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Why to lawyers wear neckties? It's part of the uniform.

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Two muffins are in an oven. After a set period of time, they finish baking and are enjoyed by the family who had made them. Two weeks later the eldest daughter contracts syphilis thanks to numerous sexual partners. She soon dies leaving her parents and brother depressed. Her brother is kidnapped by a viscous child predator and the mother commits suicide. The father gets a job with the New York Yankees. He is eaten by a genetically modified zebra.

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why did you poop because you are a poop

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It's probably not a good idea that your in here, any sudden movements and you could seriously injure somebody. Our beer glasses aren't ergonomically designed for your kind of species. I'm going to have to ask you to leave

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what will you do if you become a ruler of the world? Waking up, its just a dream GET REAL!

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What do you say to a man who just gave you a million dollars. thank you

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What happen when Sarah made but her nose in other people's business? Her vagina got set on fire by cole and derrek shoved your head up his ass!

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What did the pear tree say to the farmer? Go harvest that corn over yonder.

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What do gamer see in his nightmare? a peasant build 4 houses and gets stuck between them.

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Two cows are out in a field grazing. One falls over and dies because it was unhealthy and was ravaged with a deadly disease. The other cow, which does not understand death, continues to graze until the farmer moves it back to the barn.

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why was the woman in the kitchen? because societal standards placed her in such a situation

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Whats the difference between a black guy and a bench? Ones a person and the others a bench.

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An alcoholic walks into a bar. He wakes up the next morning in a jail cell covered in blood. 3rd time this week.

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What's the difference between a bowl of chili and a urologist? One's hot n' spicy and the other analyzes urine. -Emo Phillips

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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