What did the duck say? Nothing. Everyone knows that ducks can't talk.

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What happened to the plumber payed in gum? His family left him because he was irresponsible with his business

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Why did Teddy eat dirt? Because he was hungry.

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i like candy and other things that are edible... please dont thumbs down just cuz this suxxx just put thumbs up and santa claus will haunt u :)

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Obama holds the most records for Multikills with Drones. Mu-mu-muuuultiiikilllll.

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Who has two thumbs and lost them? Me but I can't really point at myself due to the lack of thumbs.

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How do you drown a blonde? hold her head down until she stops breathing

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Why cant Stevie Wonder read? Because he is blind

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How many different ways can you kill a cat? 27, unless you live in Russia then it's 28

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Your mom is so ugly, Ew.

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What did the vampire use to make tea? Hot water, a kettle, and some nice green tea leaves given to him by his great uncle for kwanza.

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Why was Jimmy so upset? Because both of his parents died.

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Roses are Red, They are also white, Infact nowadays with cross-pollination a hugely diverse number of different coloured roses are attainable.

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What's black and shouldn't have the right to vote? Ants

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Yo Mama's so fat Everyone is very concerned for her Health.

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a black guy, mexican guy, and asian guy race to hop over a window. the mexican because he had to clean it first.

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What is the french word for penis? I cannot say because I do not possess an adequate knowledge of the language.

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Why did the man commit suicide? He was depressed.

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a man with a scar on his right hand walked in to a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x z y.

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How do you save a drowning Asian teenage boy? You get him out of the water.

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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Why did the house stink? There were decomposing bodies under the floor boards.

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What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza? The black man is a human being with all of man's well-deserved rights, and the large pizza is an edible item. Furthermore, the black man, if adult and employed, has the propensity to feed a family of four far longer than a large pizza can.

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It works on whoever I have an emotional attachment with, for example people might be thinking you and I write in the exact same style, but I am actually copying your way of typing (spelling, word composition etc) this because we relate on a deep emotional level with people that like "get us" because they can act and behave like us. This again doubles the effect of the hypnosis, since when I get "super high on trance" and you feel that way, well, we both reach into the same wavelength, literally. Scientists and hypnotists supposedly have no idea as to why this happens, but I know, it is because our brain patterns are so similar, that even though we are at a long distance, your body believes itself to be an extension of mine and the other way around. How do I know this? Yogurt.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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