There once was a man from Nantucket. He lived a long, full life. Outside of Nantucket. But he visited occasionally.

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yo mother is so fat, the recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow.

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You had ONE job. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to support your dying wife and ill child.

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His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

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What walks on the three legs? Martin, he was born with a tragic birth defect and struggles to make a living.

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Boy: Hey girl if I had hand-cuffs, I’d lock myself to you right now! Girl: I would find that extremely creepy.

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Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? No? Well he graduated in four years with a degree in chemical engineering. He worked hard all four years in order to keep his scholarship to the university. Now he leads a very successful life and lives in a large house with his wife and two children.

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What do you call someone trying to be funny? An anti-comedian.

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A husband said to his wife, "If you want to have sex, stroke my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, just say so and I will respect your decision, though I may be disappointed."

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What did the boyfriend ask his girlfriend for on his birthday? Pokemon Yellow version.

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What's the difference between a volleyball and a tree? They're both volleyballs except for the tree.

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A black man, a jew, a hispanic, and an asian are the only survivors of a plane crash, and end up on a deserted island, what do they do? Die.

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Sir, do you know what time it is? Yes, it is 5:15 PM

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How I Met Your Mother, starring Oedipus Rex

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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Don't worry about giving me your phone number, I'll just follow you home later.

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GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT i farted. : l

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if you have a name/nickname/brand/version or number, please like this anti joke

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How many times have I said the word shingles? twelve.

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What would happen if Obama got reelected? The economy would turn to shit.

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How do you torture Helen Keller? Give her a cheese-grater and tell her it's a book.

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The declaration of Independence was singed in? Pen.

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Why is my son so unhappy? Because I beat his mother violently in front of him

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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