A baby seal walks into a club. :|

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Three men were on a plane. Oh wait. You probably already heard this one.

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Can Anti-Jokes censor curse-word tenses? Fuck Fucking Fucked Fucks

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead become stranded on a desert island. As they are searching for food and shelter, they come across a mystical-looking lamp. They rub the lamp, but nothing happens because genies don't exist.

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Ashton Kutcher meets a fine cougar at a bar and the cougar fatally wounded his throat.

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Why did the gay man not walk straight? Because I took a jack hammer to his foot

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put my cøck in your mouth. Submitted by Arsha K.

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What do people call the completely paralyzed man with no eyes? David, his name.

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Thank you very much for being so kind to me throughout the years. I have never known a better man. Rest in peace.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? 17

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How do you poop without it splashing? clench clench, release, clench clench, release, clench, release, clench, release.

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How do you say hooker in Chinese? ?

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Three guys walk into a bar. Soon after another man tries to walk in, but is stopped by the bouncers because the bar was at capacity.

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What did Johnny get for Christmas? Drugs, Johnny was a convicted drug dealer, age 19.

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Whats Brown, Long and is on every black man? Legs

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why was the boy sad he had a frog stapled to his face

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What is annoying and uses another language? Spanish class!

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What did the father say to his son, who incidently shot his brother while they were playing with a gun home alone? "It happens." He then hung himself.

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If an oak tree falls in the woods, and the tree has 3 squirrel nest in them, then does a whale jizz in the ocean?

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Ask me if i'm a tree. Q: Are you a tree? A: No.

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why did the girl fall off the swing..? because she became unbalanced and the force of gravity extended on her was too great to prevent the fall

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Whats funnier than a dead baby? Pretty much anything.

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Why did suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock - who's there? Bob -bob who.... Bobs knocking for suzie!

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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