Okay so there was a turtle, a pig, and a donkey. They were out fishing when suddenly they spot a man in boat. The man said he hasn't eaten in 5 days and he is very hungry. He looked at the turtle and said "no, too much shell." The turtle was happy and left. He looked at the pig and said "no, too much fat." The pig ran away and was very happy. He looked at the donkey and said "I think I'll have donkey today." The donkey ran away because he was scared. The man died from hunger.

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Are you kidding? If you can slow down time when stressed, then that means that your perception of time is, well... Oh relative, but still wow! What about now though? Can you do it? And for curiosity`s sake, what if you jumped off a roof? Would the stress make it all really slow?

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Why did the jew kill himself? Because he had no foreskin.

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A pirate walks in to a bar. The bartender notices he has a steering wheel in the front of his pants, so he says to the pirate, "you know you've got a steering wheel in your pants, huh?" The pirate responds, "Arrrrrrrrr, it's for me carrrrr."

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5 little monkeys jumping on the bed 1 fell off and broke it's skull. Momma told the doctor and the doctor said,"Your a bad mom."

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What do an airplane and a grape have in common? They both have wings, except the grape.

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Ants are the Velociraptors of the insect world.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn't.

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What do you call an asian jumping off of a building? A suicide victim.

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Why did the atheist start snoring in his sleep? He has a naturally small airway and fairly large tonsils.

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What do you call a horse with bread on its ears? Boris, because that's his name.

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How do you tell identical twins apart? You can't. They look identical.

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Your mother's so fat she occupies more space than a thin person does and is more likely to bump into environmental objects.

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What does an elephant and a grape have in common? One of them is purple.

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What did the shark say to the beached whale? Nothing.

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What happened after Jimmy fell off the cliff? He died.

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What did the lady say to the boy who's parents just died? Haha, your parents just died.

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can't you hear that TOOT Ta TOOT TOOT, TOOT Ta TOOT TOOT flute (nicki minaj in a past life listening to a symphony)

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Why did the man not get his licence He was blind

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Roses are red Violets are red Bushes are red Why's my garden on fire?

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was sick and tired of all the repeated monkey jokes and commited suicide and preceded to fall out of the tree.

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What is black white and red all over? A zebra which a lion did not finish eating.

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what do you call a black man flying an airplane a pilot, you racist

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How do you kill a blind man, run over him in slow motion

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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