A man walks into a bar and poops his pants. He left because of the embarrassment.

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what do you call a old guy who touches children? my dad

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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Why did the road cross the chicken? Well, according to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

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I was bangin this girl and she kept yelling the wrong name. Who's raape?

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My friend was waving a stick around and yelling out spells, so walked up to him and asked "You want to be Harry Potter, don't you?" He replied excitedly "Yeah!!" So i killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

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Why did the deer cross the road? To cause the car crash that killed my father when i was just 15 years old.

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Bob: I have a funny knock knock joke, but you have to start it. Joe: Ok. Knock Knock. Bob: Who's there? Joe: Uhhhhhhh Bob: Exactly.

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Wanna hear a good joke? Sure. So does Hellen Keller

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Why couldn't the morbidly obese man get on a cruise ship? He didn't have a ticket.

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What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheel chair.

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What did romeo say to Juliet? A lot of things, Then he gave her a flower.

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A man walks into a bar He orders a beer, drinks the beer, then leaves.

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i dont fisish anythi

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Tom: God! Matt:Where? Tom:Matt i was saying God ! Jesus! Matt: God and Jesus! wow! Tom: why am i talking to you? Matt: Wanna play a game? Tom:bye.

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Why did the teenager take a shower? Because she was brutally raped by a serial rapist and felt dirty. Unfortunately for her, she was unaware that she was washing off the prints from her body and the rapist was never found

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what do you call a rich, gay guy from Florida? Iron man

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Most poems rhyme, Show me your ti ts.

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When SCUBA diving, why is it important to fall backward off the side of the boat? Because if you fell forward, you would still be in the boat.

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Yo mama so fat that she probably has a thyroid problem.

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Why couldn't billy hear his mom on the phone? Because Billy is deaf.

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What did one lawyer say to the other? Hello

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Your momma's so fat that she went on a diet.

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Q. What happened to the women who cut her finger? A. she got staff infection and died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops