Call me Ishmael. Or don't. Well, you can, but I'm not forcing you. You could call me Steve or Bob, it's not really that important. I'm just around here anyway to tell about a huge white dick. A whale dick. A SPERM whale dick. Never mind. Or the guy whose obsessed with it. No, it's not what it sounds like. He just wants to stab it with his harpoon. Wait, that sounds even worse. Whatever. Anyway, call me Ishmael...

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tell ur mom i love her before i die this would have been a better ending to the tintanic

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Two men are making sandwiches, one man is spreading peanut butter over the bread and the other man is spreading honey and Italian raspberry jam over rye bread. the man with the peanut butter sandwich looks over and says "HEY, where did you get the rye bread?" and the man with the rye bread says "well my wife made it yesterday and I would be delighted if you come over for some tea, and tried some of my wife's homemade rye bread".

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A priest and a small child enter a bar. The bartender takes his son back from the priest, paying him $30 for his exemplary babysitting services.

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What do you call a black man that is on fire? A Man on Fire. The fact that he is black has no relevance in this situation.

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How can you tell I'm the biggest idiot in the room? Look at me.

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Why did the hobo get hit by a bus? He wanted to kill himself.

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Your mumma's so ugly. Period.

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs because disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion).

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what's the worst part about owning a prius? telling your parents you're gay

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hi

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You walk into a shopping centre, what wont you see? Madelin McCann.

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Why did the TV not turn off? You need to use a remote.

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What is the difference between tea pot and shinkansen? shinkansen is very quick train and tea pot is traditional piece of dishes..

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why did Susay fall of the swing? Cause she had no arms

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What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? This year I'm going to win the golden brief case!

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8

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I once met a giraffe, It needed a bath, When I turned on the water, It started to swim, Because it was actually a fish.

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Why couldn't Jack join the football team? Jack has down syndrome

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I like my wine like I like my children... Eight years old and locked in a cellar

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How do you make a baby stop crying? Drown it in vinegar.

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What's the difference between an apple and a black person? Well theres a huge difference but they both taste good in peanutbutter

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What do you call a banana in a blender? A banana in a blender. Duh

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Hi I'm makena. I'm a cynical asshole

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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