What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

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why did Susay fall of the swing? Cause she had no arms

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What do you call a fish with no eye? Blind.

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What did the award-winning physicist say to the community college graduate? I'll have Chicken McNuggets please.

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Why did the man smell bad? He had not showered for several days

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An anti joke a day... really doesn't actually do that much

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, It's none of my business.

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How many nazis does it take to kill 1.2billion Jews? No one cares anymore it was 60 years ago \(._.\) (/._.)/

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Roses are red Violets are blue Carnations are cheap and they will not get you a blow job.

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what did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas? a bike

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Two black guys walk into a bar. They had too much alcoholic substances and got alcohol poisoning. Their families mourned for days and their kids grew u without a father. The end.

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What did the Chinese man say to the other Chinese man? I don't know. I can't speak Chinese.

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knock knock. who's there? interrupting cow. interrupting cow wh... You mom's a wh0re.

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Why do all asians all look alike? Because they do.

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The boy asks his dad if he can make him a sandwitch The dad reply's " no thats your moms job"

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A horse walks into a bar. It doesn't order anything or say anything because it is a horse. It proceeds to walk around and knock over a few tables before finding the door.

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Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven!

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What do you call a midget mixed with a T. rex? Dinosaurs are dead and this is a highly un probable situation. Therefore, I do not know.

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock -Who's there Not Sarah

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what do you call a man who is addicted to alcohol... an alcoholic

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Two corns were decided to get married. In wedding, bridegroom can't find bride, so he asked a popcorn next to him, "Do you know where is the bride?" The popcorn answered, "I just change my hair style."

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Cheetahs run at an alarmingly fast rate for short periods of time. Until I shoot them with harpoons.

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what's the worst lie in the universe? I swear to god that was my last piece of gum

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Once there was a dog, another one came to it and then there were two.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops