One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver. She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so. She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you." He replies "BREASTS."

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Knock knock. Who's there? The police, you murdered ten people.

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What's worse than rotten eggs? Being dead.

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CNN has posted that the recent death of osama bin laden is comparable to decapitating a snake when really it is more akin to bisection of a worm.

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What did the cracker say to the cheese? You're so cheesy.

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Fill in the blank: A ______ is a man's best friend. Jake: Is it dog? Host: YES! Now for the 1 million dollars! Finish the sentence: I just saved a lot of money by Jake: Switching to Geico? Host: Sorry, that's incorrect. The correct answer is "I just saved a lot of money by not spending it on useless junk and by budgeting my account towards investing in the future." Oh well, nice try.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders house?. No, Well neither has he...

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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Some people are like Slinkies: they don't work as well as they say they will and you'll get bored of them quickly.

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A blonde dies Lololol

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what do you get when you cross an ant with toni? ANTONI

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Why did little Jimmy fall off his bike? Because I threw a fridge at him.

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Who, what, when, why, how, where, and which? Your Honor, i think my client would like to plead guilty.

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one time, there was this anti-joke.com joke set-up. It was just like a normal joke set-up. was the anti-joke punchline effective, artful of funny at all? no. it was a plain statement of some facts without consideration for humor. it gets old after you read like 50 of them. it gets REALLY. F*CKIN. OLD.

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what do you call a Nice Nazi A Nazi... He's still a Nazi.

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What happens when you lay a diamond in the water for two hours? It gets wet.

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Why did Julie fall off a swing? 'Cause she had no hands. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Julie, that's certain.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's white and sticky? A stick painted white.

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Tony Soprano walks into a diner

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The guy told a funny joke. Why wasn't the other guy laughing? Because he was having a heart attack

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chuck norris and superman had a bet. Chuck norris immediatley won because superman is a fictional character played by an actor. Chuck norris then decided to have a bet with the actor that played superman and lost

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What do you call a house big enough to fit all the poor people in America? A fairly large establishment without quality standards.

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How do you know you're crazy? Consult the pink pheasent to your left

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Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Let's go ride bikes!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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