- Anti Joke

How many fingers am i holding up? 4

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was in a tub of KFC

Q: How many burgers did little Johnny eat? A: Involuntary erections.

A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

Charlie Sheen

What do you call a jew in an oven? A safety hazard

Knock knock Who's there? Overused punchline Overused punchline who? The Holocaust.

Well no, thats not true, sorry, I mean I GET THAT ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

Guy 1: Why does it smell like a wet dog? Guy 2: Because I smell like a wet dog

A man in a state penitentiary drops his soap. He then picks it up and continues his shower.

What did the man with one eye say to the woman with one leg at 2 p.m? Good afternoon.

what do you call a white man who appears to be standing on water? a surfer

Two cows were in a feild, one said "moo" and the other said "i was going to say that!"

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms

why was six afraid of seven? prison changes a person

One man walks on a bridge, another man sees him but doesn't really care about him.

Why was the boy crying? Because him and his sister were sent to an orphanage.

What is better than one trillion dollars? One trillion and one dollars... duh.

roses are red violets are blue, were stuck to gather like superglue in tell you get the flu, then I'm not touching you :)

A man asks a young boy to get in his van. The kid, being very well-educated tells the man he cannot talk to strangers. So, the man tells the kid he understands, and drives away to another nearby child.

I wondered why the piano was getting bigger. Then it hit me... I'm sorry I have visual agnosia

You know whats worse than an anti-joke? Practically Anything.

A blonde was very smart, and nobody made fun of her when she sometimes made small mistakes like every other person regardless of hair color.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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