-hey sam look what mom gave me for christmas -what eli? -a new baseball bat -thats your prosthetic leg silly

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Whats the difference between andreas and a dog? the dog has a tail.

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Theres 3 guys walking and the see a genie. He says hell grant 3 wishes. The first guy asked for sandals. The genie said"I can do that" and he got sandals. The second guy asked for rock hard abs.The genie said,"sure thing".When he looked down, he saw that he had rock hard abs. The third guy asked for a pair of pants."ok" Said the genie. And then he got a pair of pants.

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How did the blonde die? She got slurped up by a 1,000-foot anteater. How did the 1,000-foot anteater die? He got slurped up a 10,000 foot anteatereater. How did the 10,000 foot anteatereater die? It doesn't matter. The Earth just got slurped up by a one-trillion-foot planeteater.

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The Theory of Relativity, proposed by the Jewish physicist Albert Einstein (1879-1955) in the early part of the 20th century, is one of the most significant scientific advances of our time. Although the concept of relativity was not introduced by Einstein, his major contribution was the recognition that the speed of light in a vacuum is constant and an absolute physical boundary for motion. This does not have a major impact on a person's day-to-day life since we travel at speeds much slower than light speed. For objects travelling near light speed, however, the theory of relativity states that objects will move slower and shorten in length from the point of view of an observer on Earth. Einstein also derived the famous equation, E = mc2, which reveals the equivalence of mass and energy. When Einstein applied his theory to gravitational fields, he derived the "curved space-time continuum" which depicts the dimensions of space and time as a two-dimensional surface where massive objects create valleys and dips in the surface. This aspect of relativity explained the phenomena of light bending around the sun, predicted black holes as well as the Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation (CMB) -- a discovery rendering fundamental anomalies in the classic Steady-State hypothesis. For his work on relativity, the photoelectric effect and blackbody radiation, Einstein received the Nobel Prize in 1921.

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What did the egg say to the cup? I love your hairdo! Girl, who is your stylist?

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My life

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did the dog explode? because it didn't have a bum hole

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Q: why did the chicken cross the road? A: nobody knows, but the road was royally pissed off.

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Your momma is so fat that she is a plus size model and gets paid very well for modeling. Good for her.

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Why did the blind kid hit the other kid in the face? He was trying to give him a high-five.

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Why did German "shower heads" have 11 holes? Because Jews only have 10 fingers.

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What was wrong with the tree? Nothing

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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Why did the black kid fail in school? Because of the achievement gap.

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ASSCHEEKS

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-Why Peter is going to mall for buying some beer? -Because he was 18 and he was able to do it.

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What did the man do after a bad day at work? He went home and beat his wife

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What do you call a white man circled by 11 black men? D12

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Three men walk into a bar. A fourth man ducks.

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van

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what color is blue? green

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How do you get blood from a stone? Put it in a snowball.

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Q: What do you call a midget psychic who escaped from prison? A: His or her name.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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