A baby crawls into a bar. He cannot walk.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Knock Knock. Who's there? Barack Obama. Ok, come on in Mr. President!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: How do you do to get an elephant down from a tree? A: Wait for the fall when the leaves start falling you shoot it down.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars, except for the duck!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A blond walks into a hair dresser's wearing a pair of headphones. The hair dresser tells the blond to take the headphones off so she can cut the blond's hair. The blond says that if they take off the headphones, then they'll die. The hair dresser works around the headphones, but finally needs to cut underneath the headphones. The hair dresser forces the blond to take the headphones off and nothing happened.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A man walks into a bar He is now in the emergency room suffering from deep lacerations to the forehead as well as a bloody nose.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's the difference between Barney the dinosaur and Santa? Barney Loves you.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at him genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did the man commit scuicide because he was depressed

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I did it. the Bulls fan Took a few hours on Microsoft word. then I copy and pasted it on this!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's worst than finding two worms in your apple? Two holocausts.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's fat and round and has a ballsack nose? Mr Chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did Hitler kill six million Jews? Why not?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? wheres my tractor

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do get a cat to like you? Give it lots of love and attention

thumb_up thumb_down +4

You're such a dork you were found on the bottom of a whale.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why was 6 afraid of seven? cause 7's a n i g g a

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the man with no head say to the women?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Tony Romo

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's fat, round and bounces on the ground? A ball. I lied about the fat bit.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Want to hear a dirty joke? Jimmy fell in mud. Want to hear a clean joke? Jimmy took a bath with Bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a clown.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Have you heard of the lawnmower joke? No neither have I

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the pedophile cross the road? To molest a child.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops