If at first you don't succeed, go kill yourself

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A black car pulls up early in the morning and slows down by your house You see him pull a mysterious object out of his car and point it at you, The paper boy tosses a newspaper at you

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why did sally fall off a swing she had no arms knock knock who's there not sally

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to my house. Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

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Yo mamma is so old that she lives in a retirement home for the aged, and will most likely die there in several years.

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Why did the girl with a striped ball fall over? She was a victim of a drive-by shooting.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why? To get to your house. Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

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"Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "I am." "Okay, come in."

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Why did the man cross the street? Because he had to go work.

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what did the apple say to the orange? :nothing because an apple is not a human organism nor an orange therefore they can not speak....

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What's worst than getting hit by a car. -Getting hit by a truck.

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How does Helen Keller play the piano? With one hand.. She needs the other hand to sing.

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What did God say when he made his first black guy? Oh no I burned one! :)

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There is a black guy a white guy and a Mexican, whose driving. The other black guy.

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Why did Michael Jackson name his kid blanket? Because after years of drug abuse and sexual insecurity led to him thinking unrealistically during the birth of his children.

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Why did the boy dig a hole in the football field? He was blind and his parents were being quite irresponsible....However someone should probably fill in that hole, as that could be a hazard during a football game.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a skitsofrantic, and so am I

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Why did the man eat the turnip greens? Because he was morbidly obese, and needed to maintain a proper diet.

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room, he then relieves a nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with more information. Your wife died during the delivery.

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So a black guy goes to college and doesn't steal anything or rape anyone. He has a 4.0 GPA and is one of the smartest students at Harvard University.

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Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it "NUuhHUhhuUUUuhhhuuuuumph!"

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of course," replies the second man. I'm curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!" About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Kinly twins are drunk again."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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