Why did Kelly lose all interest in men? An aneurysm in her brain popped

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the women sleep in the kitchen. Due to the poverty levels of her area of residence, sub-sahara Africa, she, her 7 children and 3 orphaned nephews lived in one ram shackled room with a corrugated iron roof which served as a multi-purpose kitchen, bedroom, lounge and greeting area.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Hey, in case you are around and still wonder how he got out. Anonymous tip from yours truly, if he had remained there, you would all have taken the blame. Just stay away from the deep web, and I wont be forced to come get all of you as well. For a long while I was suspicious that you might have been leaking information regarding me and all of us, but then the rules changed and information regarding Point Zero, subtle hints and such, began spreading, it has been removed, nobody will know what Intel was sold, so yeah, he was a mole, he is no more, for this I am sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What happens when metal and ice collide together? The Titanic

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What day is it? Asked the man with a gun who dislikes music. Friday. Mostly because yesterday was thursday and tomorrow is Saturday. Sunday comes afterwards also. The man says "oh. I thought it was Tuesday."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call a man whos had his arms ripped off in front of you? An ambulance, because with an injury such as this, you can die anywhere between 10 and 45 minutes

thumb_up thumb_down +14

GOODBYE

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A Black guy and a Jewish guy walk into a bar. What does the black guy say to the Jew? "Hi".

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I wanted to burn alot of calories so i found a fat kid and set him on fire. :3

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a bag of dead babies? A: I take off my shoes when I jump on a trampoline.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why cant stevie wonder read? Because he is blind

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q: What's worse than biting into and apple and finding a worm? A: being severely malnourished, thus physically inept to do most simple tasks

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

a man was walking out side to get the news paper what happened next he picked up the newspaper

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the shark eat the girl? Because she was ugly

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the monkey say to the newlywed couple? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Whats big black and hairy? A large black dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A kid a jew and a child molester walk into a room . what happens next? Nothing there in a room.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? finding two worms in your apple

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock, Knock Who's there? Bill Bill who? Bill your neighbor. Can I have some flour?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

If a tree fell in the forest, and no one was around to hear it, would you like a cupcake?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do friends and trees have in common? They will fall over if you hit them repeatedly with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How did little Sally break her Nintendo DS? Her abusive father repeatedly abused her and punished her until she was thrown into a stone wall. As she went into the wall she crushed by another wall and broke the DS.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops