What do you do to become a hairdresser? Set Off the fire alarm

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cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccorn

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You- I came up with a new word! Friend- What is it? You- Plagiarism.

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What do you call a blonde who passed the SAT's? An excellent student.

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What's worse than dropping a dollar down the drain? Getting a needle shoved up your penis and it scrapes the insides of your balls open so that all of the sperm pours out of your balls and you are screaming in agony and you can never have children in the future.

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what does lady gaga have that some people dont have? a penis.

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A horse walks into a bar, and is then put down because of the injuries it sustained from the impact.

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Hamsters are a lot like cigarettes. They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the dead one.

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What did the cow say to the Businessman? Nothing. Cows cant talk.

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What's slow and spotted? A cheetah, I lied about the slow part

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This is SPARTA! SPARTA? THIS IS MADNESS! (kicks guy down well) What is hurt! Baby dont love me, dont love me, no more. Moral: The funny thing is probably that the line makes a lot more sense all of sudden does it not?

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Why did the little boy commit suicide? Because his dad molested him.

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all stuck on a desert island together. They eventually succumb to dehydration and heat exhaustion. They lasted five days.

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Rick Ross is so fat, that he is fatter than someone who isn't as fat as he is.

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There once was a man from Kentuckit, who like to dissapear with his dog and clean up the shit using a plastic bag and put it in the allocated public bin.

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What do you call a cat up a tree in a party hat? A cat up a tree with a party hat

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Why did the boy let go of his red ballon? Because he was hit by a car

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A king's son's birthday was coming up and the king asked,"Son i'm the king. You can have anything you want." And the son said,"Oh i'll have some purple ping pong balls." For his birthday he got a rollar coster, a pizzaria, a new car, and of corse, some purple ping pong balls. The next year the king asked,"Son, i'm the king, you can have anything you want." and the son said,"Oh i'll have some purple ping pong balls." And for his birthday he got a manchin, an iphone, a water park, and of corse some purple ping pong balls. One day, the prince was driving in his car and was in a terrible car accadent. On his death bed, his father asked him one final question,"Son, why did you want all of those purple ping pong balls?" And the son answered,"Well, i wanted all of them because-" and then he died.

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Ed has spent all his days on the farm. It was the farm of his father and grandfather before him; long have they prospered from the fruits of this land. He has a wife and 3 beautiful children, all of whom live happily on the farm. Ed still manages to keep an active social life, and has lots of interesting friends. His best friend is Moe. As a young man, Ed had spent a few years living in the city for his studies. Moe lives in the city, and he knows Ed from College. One day, Moe came out to the farm to have lunch with his old friend. After lunch, he and Ed took a walk around the farm. They passed by the horses, the chickens, the pigs and finally they came to the cows. Ed looked at Moe, and he saw that he was focused intently on a single cow. "What's the matter, Moe?" he asked. "That," Moe said, "is one skinny cow."

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Why did Biggie Smalls eat so much dark chocolate? His doctor suggest that he eat foods high in fiber.

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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are on a cruise together. A horrifying accident occurs, sinking the boat and killing all of them. Their deaths are mourned by their respective family members.

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Whats from Hattersley? Someone who lives in Hattersley.

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Q: Why is grass green? A: I painted it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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