Knock knock Who's there? Doctor Doctor who? Doctor Adams. You called me about your father's stroke.

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There once was a man from Dundee, Whose Limericks ended on line three. I don't know why.

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Friends, they're like food. If you eat them, they die.

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? I can't remember. I have amnesia from when I was hit by a bus as a child.

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Your mom's so fat... she probably needs to go on some sort of diet to avoid a serious heart condition and inevetible death

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Why did it take Da Vinci so long to paint the Sistine Chapel? Because it was painted by Michaelangelo.

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"Hey, do you guys wanna hear a joke?!" -no, shut up.

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Why did the boy fall of his BMX? Because someone threw a dish-washer at him.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Not your cheese.

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your mum

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Why did the man put his money in the freezer? hes retarded.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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What did one wall say to the other wall? Nothing. Walls are inanimate objects and thus incapable of conversing with one another.

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What's a Democrat's favorite activity? Blaming Republicans for shit they didn't do.

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Why do bears go to school on Sunday's? They don't, bears don't go to school.

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DAVE : did you hear the one about the poster? MICHAEL: what?

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What do a squirrel and a grape have in common? They are both purple except for the squirrel.

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What do you call a person who kills there own child? Casey Anthony.

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Bang Bang Get the hell out of the house, it's on fire.

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“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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What do you call a black man with a small penis? Aids free

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Why wasn't the black kid allowed in the school? Because it was the Southern United States in the 1930s and due to racial tensions at the time most public facilities were seperated by race.

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Why do black people like chicken? Because it's tasty, nutritious and easy to cook.

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How do you make a dead baby float? Two scoops of vanilla ice cream and two scoops of dead baby.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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