Why are there no more monkeys jumping on the bed? I shot them all.

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A horse walked into a barn...

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What did one eye say to the other? Nothing. Because eye's can't talk.

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What do you call a dog with no arms or legs? It doesn't matter. You can call him anything you like, but he won't come running to you.

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Scenario: 2 people are in a desert. There is only 1 bottle of water left to drink. Who drinks it? Neither of them, they drink the gallon bottle of gatorade instead.

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What has lips and smells like a fish? A fish.

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Hey, you have small hands.

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Why was the protester tied to a tree? They were tired of him protesting.

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What is worse then failing a test? Cancer

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The Mets win the World Series

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how do you make a fat black man cry? Rape his wife.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Expensive cheese.

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What's worse than being a Jew in 2010? Being a Jew in 1942.

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Why was John the octopus depressed? Because his real name was Steve, and he couldn't communicate this to anyone since he lacked the higher brain functions and vocal chords required to do so.

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What is the difference between a dog and a North Korean tank. When I see a dog I think wow, what a cute dog. When I see a North Korean tank I run away screaming, as do many others, and I hope the marines come and save us.

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Yo momma is so dumb she... oh god, i'm so sorry, she was driving and she just looked down at her cellphone and there was a red light and all the cars were coming she didn't even stop oh god i'm so sorry.

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where did napolean keep his armies? In his sleevies!

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Why did the plane crashed? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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How do you make a salesperson cry? Shoot him in the face and throw him off a cliff

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Why do women wear make-up and perfume? Because they are ugly and they smell bad.

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What do you call a black man without a job? Unemployed.

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Knock Knock Who's there A pile up A pile up who

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

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Why couldn't the baby walk through the door? Babies can't walk

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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