why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was dead. why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? because it was stapled to the first monkey? why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? peer pressure.

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why did the black man cross the road? to get away from the racists

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for keeps?

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Knock Knock Who’s there? Tom Tom who? Tom Pearson? Oh Tom, I wasn’t expecting you til 3pm, please come in.

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-Why was six afraid of seven? -Because seven's a rapist

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Whats worse than the Holocaust? Anal

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You wanna hear a joke? The 19th amendment. Just kidding, women are actually a very valued part of our society. Just kidding again.

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2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

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What's worse than eating poop for your whole life? Nothing really, you've got serious problems if you have another option...

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Why did the fat ugly bald Jewish man go to the bank? He needed to take out some cash because he was going out for lunch at a highly recommended restaurant.

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Today is May 18 2016.

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Whats from Hattersley? Someone who lives in Hattersley.

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2 Black men walk into the bar.. Guess what? There still black.

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someone jumped off a bridge he died

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What happened when the boy stood up? He had all his limbs hacked off and soon after died.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Potatoes. Potatoes who? Garlic salt.

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Roses are red my underwear is brown I just sharted my pants

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Did you hear why the peanut got arrested by walking next to another peanut? One got a-salt-ed

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A boy writes an anti-joke. It is not funny. He sees his friends teasing him about the jokes stupidity. He promptly pokes his eyes out with a dull broom stick. He can still hear his friends mocking him. He cuts his ears off with an industrial meat slicer. He wakes up the next morning and doesnt give a crap about the prior days events. Mainly because he can no longer see or hear.

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I'm schizophrenic and so am I. I also happen suffer from multiple personality disorder. Schizophrenia refers to separation of mental functions, manifesting in anti-social behavior and delusions, and is unrelated to the separate disorder of dissociative identity disorder, popularly known as multiple personality disorder, characterized by at least two distinct and enduring identities and dissociated personality states. Both are crippling to normal behavior and function due to lack of public awareness and funding. Now get out of our ghost train or we'll cut you.

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what's worse than falling and scraping your knee? living within a 10 mile radius of a Japanese nuclear reactor

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A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism.

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On her day off, a fully clothed stripper walks into a bar she's never been to before. The regulars turn their heads to see who has just walked in, then turn back to their own conversations.

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Q: How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator? A: You open the door put the giraffe in and the close the door. Q: How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator? A: You open the door to the refrigerator take the giraffe out then put the elephant in and close the door. Q: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend but one, which one is it? A: The elephant it's in the fridge Q: You have to cross a river that is inhabited by crocodiles how do you cross it? A: You swim across, the crocodiles are at the animal conference.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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