Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

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Teacher: which vegetable makes your eyes water? Student: Any vegetable. Teacher: How? Student: Just rub any vegetable in your eyes and see what happens.

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What do you call a black guy that has a big white coat, an assortment of knives and a couple of women working for him? A doctor

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Why did Dave stop going to the laundromat? Because he was a suicide bomber.

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A black guy and an apple fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? They both hit the ground roughly at the same time, because the acceleration due to gravity is constant.

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why did matt daly want to go to prison? to be fondled

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You mama's so fat, that the doctor suggested that she go on a diet.

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How many 3 legged black Irish catholic obstetricians, walking into a bar, does it take to make a chicken cross the road? Fish!

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A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

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What did red say to yellow? Move over orange is coming now.

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im saul and i love cock

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What did the jerk say to the Mexican? You are a Mexican

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Knock Knock! Who's There? Tourettes Kid. Touret- FUCK SHIT!

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How did the black guy survive the bus crash? At the time of the bus crash, it was a segregated community, therefore no black people were allowed on buses.

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What happened after the man with no arms and legs lost his keys? Nothing. He won't get them for the rest of his life.

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You know whats worse than finding a fly in your soup? 9/11

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A man walks into a bar, Esept it wasn't a bar and he was running.

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-What did George Clooney say to Jennifer Lawrence? -"Hi!"

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How do you call leprechaun with leprosy? Sick.

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Roses are red Violets are Blue Let's just screw

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Wake up in the morning feeling like... Helen Keller

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why did the chicken cross the road? because aliens dont wear purple hats.

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A man walks into a clothing store, he calls his wife, buys a shirt, and leaves.

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Once upon a time Jimmy was walking home from school. Jimmy was then confronted by a a pedophile so he suddenly ate himself.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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