Why did the portuguese fisherman take out a $20,000 loan with a reknown loan shark at exorbitant interest rates? He needed to buy a kidney on the black market for his drug addicted daughter who had also destroyed his credit score meaning he coudln't get a loan from the usual credit facilities such as banks and credit unions.

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A used condom filled with water and left on a radiator makes an ideal and inexpensive lava lamp.

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How do you make a toddler run faster? Chase it with a lawnmower.

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A man went back in time and warned nobody about anything and pretended to be from the time he choose to go to and lived a happy life eventually finding a wife. He later found out he had a baby on the way, he named it after his great grandfather who was a war hero. He later found out that many years later his son had a son and they named it after his grandpa. He went to the hospital where he died just as his grandson had a baby and they named it after his father. The man died. End.

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WHAT DO YOU CALL SOMEONE HAVING A MYOCARDIAL INFARCTION? Dead

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Q; What is green and eats rocks? A; The green rock eater... Q;What happens when you through a rock straight up in the north pole? A; The green rock eater eats it..

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How Do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the door put the elephant in and close the door. How do you put a giraffe in a fridge? Open the door take the elephant out put the giraffe in and close the door. The lion king has a meeting with all the animals but one doesn't turn up, which one is it? The giraffe because it's still in the fridge.

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My childhood friend said she had a bad breakup with her husband (yeah husband), and that she needed a really stiff one. Come on! How was I supposed to know she was talking about alcohol! She did blush and smile after I pulled my pants down however, that`s like seven out of ten right? I mean I was just trying to help a friend out right? And myself, fine myself, but it will be a total win/win situation, you know... Those where you win twice? "Dont worry, Im not comming" *pewpew*

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A horse enters a bar. The bartender looks at the horse and says "Why the harness?"

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Joe: Hey, why are your counters all red and your blender looks broken? Me: The same reason why Mrs. Johnson's baby is missing. ajl

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Slug on ya tooth Gavin David Newman

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What's the difference between a pheromone and a hormone? Hormones are secreted internally and trigger various biochemical pathways that cause certain effects. We all are familiar with the effects of testosterone and estrogen, both on the anatomy, and behaviour of humans. Pheromones are secreted externally, and have an effect on another creature in similar ways. Usually they have to do with attracting sexual partners or changing a sex partners behaviour or body in some way.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I like saying the colors of flowers, Delphiniums are also blue.

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Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

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Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away? Because it could see and hear.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Call the cops girl They can't unrape you

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What has a black, blue, and red all over? Timmy. He was mugged, and vigorously raped.

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Did you know that if you say "gullible" slowy, it still sounds like you're saying "gullible."

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You know what pansies remind me of? What? A flower

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A Muslim walks into a bomb shop. Unfortunately for the bomb shop owner, the Muslim was a police officer. He proceeded to arrest the owner and the employees of the store, as it turned out that the selling of these particular explosive devices were illegal. They ended up in jail, and justice was served.

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This is an anti-anti joke. I don't expect him to get it.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of a lake? Bob

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KONY 2012! *world rises up cheering in spontaneous patriotism for Africa* Leader of KONY 2012 arrested for public masturbation

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Why did the black man go to Jail? He was visiting his friend!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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