Q. What do you call a black pilot? A. A pilot.

How do you get a mexican to do the yard work faster? Offer him a 5% bonus.

What's dark, has an opening, and guys like to go in it. A cave

How do you stop a lawn mower? You throw a baby under it.

Q:What do you call a cow with no legs? A:A hamburger.

That moment when the worst part of the movie, is when your pregnant wife pees on the couch.....

How do you make Barack Obama upset? Stab him.

Fact: 100% of people who drink alcohol will die.

How many licks does it take to got to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? 357

Put my shoes on the wrong feet. Don't matter, i'm gunna die anyway.

What does the hulk do when he's angry? Compulsively masturbate.

Why was the boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his face.

What did one duck say to the other? "Quack" Ducks don't talk. But if it were to say something it would probably mention how it is concerned about the fact that the majority of people on the internet don't know what ducks say to each other.

What do you call a cow that's holy? Holy Cow

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you were observing it, thus changing its quantum state and making it decide to cross.

Butterfly is standing on a flower. Cow comes and steps on that flower

Why is the alien dead as a door-nail? Because the door-nail was never alive nor could it ever be dead therefore the alien must have never existed just like the life and death of the door-nail.

Knock knock. Whos there Time to get a watch

What would Ronald Reagan say if he was alive today? Nice to meet you my name is Ronald Reagan

What starts with F and ends with UCK? Firetruck

A boy walks up to a girl he finds attractive and says "You're body's kick'in! ... i mean...hey, do you know karate?"

Why is paper white? Cause that's how they make paper.

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, well at least they were, until I met you!

What's green and fuzy and could kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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