a: How can you tell you are not pregnant? b: I don’t know. a: Like this: I’m not pregnant.

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A horse walked into a bar, broke its leg and its owner then had to put it down because it was a racing horse and the owner did not have enough money to bring the horse back to health. Fuck you.

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Obama 2012

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Whats orange and has stripes? - a tiger

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nobody because a sponge is not a who, it is a what.

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Q. What's funnier than an anti-joke? A. Thousands of anti-jokes, compiled on a worldwide network.

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How many Facebook friends does George Bush have? None because he doesn't have a Facebook.

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Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Brian. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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pedophile

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What's cheese that's not yours? Mine.

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A man walks into a bar. "Ouch!" he shouted after he stubbed his toe on a table.

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Rich merchant started build a new bigger home for his family. He bought good blueprints and hired some construction workers to build it up. It took 2 years for the house to finish. Just few days before moving in, he had an horrible nightmare where little green men set the house on fire. When he woke up, he heard the bad news. House was burned down during the night. Merchant was shocked and sad. After couple of weeks, he decided to build a new house. This time a smaller one. Again he bought blueprints and hired people to work for him. Almost a year later, the house was starting to be finished. And again he saw that nightmare of little green men burning the house down. At morning he already knew the news and started to investigate these happenings. Local police officer couldn't help him and so didn't anyone else he asked. Merchant decided to try once more to build new home. This time he had money only for a small farmhouse. Building it up last 6 months, and almost every night merchant was guarding the construction site for little green men. Farmhouse finished in time and merchant moved in. In couple weeks he started to relax and think that little green men stopped harassing him. At one night, couple of months after moving in. Merchant saw the nightmare again, and woke up in burning house. He escaped from the window and saved his wife and children. Then he ran to the village to call for help. The next morning, merchant was sitting next to his burned home and just thinking the motives for green men, what did he do in past so that green men were angry at him? Some villagers had come to watch the burned house and merchant saw something green in middle of the crowd. He slowly walked towards the crowd and saw this little man fleeing. He started to pursue this man and was pumped with adrealine. Didn't last long when merchant catched this little guy and held him in the ground to ask "Who are you? Do you have anything to do with those housefires?" The little green man was calm and relaxed as he answered "No."

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What do you call a fly with no wings? Joseph

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What color is a banana? yellow.

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*Random individual accidentally throws a ball toward another person's head while chilling out with friends* *The ball comes into contact with the victim's cranium- causing him much pain, but not serious detriment.* Q: Are you feeling okay? A: No, I'm dizzy and am currently in very bad shape Response after initial inquiry was articulated: "Uhmmmm...Sorry?" Lesson of significance to be learned from this tragic incident: One's developed, habitual reactions to certain occasions/events of particular interest are virtually always practically impossible to completely override with the means of logic when one is experiencing the relevant occurances him/herself personally. One usually finds it inordanitely difficult to free him/herself from one's regular routines.

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whats the hardest part of roller skating. Telling your dad that you are gay.

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What's the difference between an orange? Mooses don't like to wear sweater-vests.

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BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH 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BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BIT

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What happened to the boy when he did nothing? The game.

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Whats worse than the Halocaust? Your mom

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Playing chess with a pigeon is like having an argument with a christian. No matter how good you are at chess, the pigeon will just knock over the pieces, crap on the board and strut around like it's victorious.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.

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knock knock. I have a doorbell, you don't have to knock.

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Roses are Red Voilets are Red I am Red I am Dead

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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