Roses are red, violets are blue, why am i even talking to you?

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Two blondes are walking down the street. One breaks her left high heel and the other is called Monica.

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What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? Moisturise with a good quality moisturiser, use high factor suncream on the face, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, wear a hat and sunglasses and stay in the shade between 11am and 3pm, and try to eat a diet that is heart-healthy (for example, wholegrain, oily fish, and/or flax seed), as heart failure over a long time leads to sagging skin with a loss of elasticity.

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There are stars in the sky when it's dark. You may have noticed I used a contraction in the previous sentence.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?" The owner of the horse then explains the evolution of the species and genetics. The bartender, satisfied, serves the owner a drink and gladly gives the horse water.

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Do you know what's fun about having sex with twenty-seven year-olds? There are twenty of them.

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What's black and white and red all over. An interracial suicide pact.

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Two blondes are sitting in a car. They took a drive and later enjoyed turkey sandwiches at the local eatery.

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How many blondes does it take to dye their own hair black and act in an intelligent, sensible manner?

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what smells like red paint but is blue paint?

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How do you get a plumber to cry? Kill his family

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i love u. so rate me good or i will talk to my lawyer. nothing personal, i just have no arms, legs, or nose and got broken up with by a girlfriend yesterday (and no, she was not fake) Her name was maria. On the bright side, my grandma woke up this morning!

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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if I had sex with your mother?

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I Wish... I was Charlie Sheen's Dealer

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Q: How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, possibly two if the lightbulb is high up and someone has to hold the ladder.

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teacher: what comes after 69? johnny: mouthwash teacher: get out.

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What did the man say to the attractive female bartender as he left the bar? Well, it's been fun but I hate you so I'm leaving to kill your entire family.

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What's a bit smaller than the tallest man in the world? The 2nd tallest man in the world.

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My grandmother always use to tell me "slow and steady wins the race." Well, that was before she died in a house fire.

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What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff

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What did Justin Bieber get for Christmas? An iPod Touch and a few nice sweaters.

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What do you call a bunny with a knife in his chest? Emo

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A Man goes into a watch store. Why? To buy a watch

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the cactus cross the road? It was stuck to the chickens butt.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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