Why did the lorry cross the road? It was swerving to avoid a small child. Unfortunately the driver's reactions were too slow and he hit the kid. After a week fighting for their life in hospital the child fibaly died. There wasn't a scratch on the lorry though.

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Why did the kid poo his pants? Because he was Matt Daly

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How many electricians does it take to screw on a light bulb? 1

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roses are red violets are blue I hear a bus...

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Doctor, doctor, I think I've got a problem! Correct, you have got acute cancer, you have 2 months to live.

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A black man and a mexican are in a car. Whos driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. The mexican, Alex, had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. Rain had suddenly come upon them and a passing off-duty police officer had picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful time. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months after their return John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

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Q. How many puns does it take to make a cup of tea? A. None. A pun is a grammatical construct and as such is incapable of combining the ingredients necessary to generate a hot drink which has been popular for hundreds of years.

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whats black and has 3 legs? a spider with 5 missing legs.duh.

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Whats the difference between a woman and a fridge? A fridge doesn't fart when you take your meat out!

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A man walks into a bar. The ceiling was ringed with dozens of TV’s, much like your average sports bar. Unlike your average sports bar however, the TV’s were not featuring athletic competition. That is unless you consider vigorous and explicit gay sex between men hung like Tijuana mules to be a sport.

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what is the biggest lie in the whole world? -please drink responsibly

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If roses weren't RED and violets weren't Blue... Walls are still solid objects.

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Roses are red Violets are blue You don't want to be my valintine I'm going to shoot myself.

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Roses are Red ?And sometimes yellow ? My mother is mellow ? Billy you have cancer ?

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What do you call a black person flying a plane? A pilot.

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I'm on the ABC diet. The ABC stands for: Americans British Chinese I eat humans.

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Why did the man put his money in the freezer? Perhaps he didn't believe in banks.

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Q-what did the bus say to the other bus? A-nothing, buses are incapable of talking

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What's red and invisible? We don't know that it's red.

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Four blondes are driving to Disneyland, as they finally got to Florida, they read a sign that said "Disneyland: left" so they turned around and headed home.

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roses are dead violets are gross guess what i'm in your closet

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why did the chicken stop in the middle of crossing the road? to get to the other side

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What's a cow's fovorite vacation spot? Farmyard animals do not receive vacations, they have long hours, no pay, and get eaten upon death.

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Whats more worse than a dead baby? You shouldn't be thinking about dead babies or stuff worse than them, it is sad.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops