How do you kill a blonde? A gun, knife, there are a number of ways really...

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Lame Anti Jokes.

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what does a blue watermelon and a cactus that looks like a penis have in common? orange ya glad i didn't say banana!

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Why did the girl fall off the couch? She had a seizure.

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An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have a few drinks, then go to a club, where they amuse each other and those around them by completely slurring their words in their already very strong regional accents. Then they get a taxi back to the house of the Englishman as he lives nearest, and stay the night. The next morning, the Scotsman and the Irishmen walk home as they are still hungover and do not wish to risk driving.

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If a tree falls in the forest and it does it make a sound? No, Trees can't talk

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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Why'd I have sex with your mom? I'm your father and I love your mother very much

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What makes women so mystifying and beautiful? Tits.

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers

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How do you make a black man cry? A: Kill his whole family.

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guess how...chicken pow! guess who...chicken poo! guess when...chicken pen! guess where...chicken hair! guess what...your adopted.

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I like my woman like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer.

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I told a woman to make me at turkey sandwich. Of course she complied seeing as I was at Subway.

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a black guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "get out of here, whites only" this joke takes place in the 1950's when african americans were discriminated against

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What did the adverb say to the noun? Hopefully whale.

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Two monkeys are having sex. They both realize they're boys.

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How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Just call the fire department, they're trained for that kind of stuff

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Knock knock. Who's ther? Your friend Billy i've been shot and need help

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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Why did the man murder his wife in cold blood? Because she was alive before he killed her.

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What's 2+2? It's certainly not 1.

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Yo mama's so fat that I make Yo Mama jokes about her!!

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Patient: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano when my arm heals? Doctor: Did I not tell you? You insurance didn't cover the cost of this operation. Your arm is never going to be healed!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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